Friday, October 31, 2008

pumpkin carving




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pumpkin carving with the kids

This is a crazy day that is really only just beginning. I already knew it would be so I made a note to myself for next year that it is okay to say no...and that it won't make me a bad mom. This morning I worked at my kindergarteners book fair at school.Then it was off to Wal-mart for a few last minute party supplies but be back in time to run the class party. Party started at 1 so we got out of there by 2. Now I am fixing to judge a costume contest, run 3 already dressed in the car kids to pick up Dan where we will then head to Downtown Rogers to trick or treat.Kaileigh wants to go through the neighborhood so I will walk up and then down the steep hill that is my neighborhood where after all that I am sure I will be ready for bed..... oh yeah, Happy Halloween everyone.





Oh yeah, the reason I started this so wrapped up in processing what I have been running around doing all day and got sidetracked..anyway, yesterday was pumpkin carving time at my house. Isaiah would not stop feeding the pumpkin pieces to the dogs, Emory cried cause she could'nt use the knife by herself, and Kaileigh was mad she could not scrape the gunk out all by herself so overall it was really good times for me....My blog should be called IT IS A CRAZY LIFE...instead of IT MIGHT BE ONE.....
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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Why my blog is not as clever or funny as I thought it was

Do you ever find, that while reading other people's blogs you are mentally thinking of all the funny and clever things that you need to post? And then you realize that you have taken up so much time reading other people's blogs that you have to get back to whatever it was that you were supposed to be doing but reading blogs instead?And then one day you look back at your own blog and discover you have not posted any of the funny and clever things you had to say and really your blog is not as interesting as you thought it was because you don't have the posts on it that you thought you had?

...note to self; post on your blog, not in your mind

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

one word answers

. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? marvelous
3. Your hair? transition
4. Your mother? knowledgeable
5. Your father? dependable
6. Your favorite thing? offspring
7. Your dream last night? unknown
8. Your favorite drink? milk
9. Your dream/goal? bettering
10. In what room are you? office
11. Your hobby? reading
12. Your fear? loss
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? settled
14. Where were you last night? home
15. Something that you aren't? indecisive
16. Muffins? yum
17. Wish list? lengthy
18. Where you grew up? Ft. Smith
19. Last thing you did? emailed
20. What are you wearing? black
21. Your TV? SANITY
22. Your pets? obnoxious
23. Friends? real
24. Your life? ideal
25. Your mood? content
26. Missing someone? everyday
27. Your car? new
28. Something you're not wearing? makeup
29. Your favorite store? hobby lobby
30. Your favorite color? purple
31. When is the last time you laughed? morning?
32. Last time you cried? yesterday
33. Who will create a similar list? bethany
34. A place you go to over and over? library
35. Someone who emails you regularly? Bethany
36. Your favorite place to eat? mom's
37. A place you would like to go right now? shopping
38. A TV show you watch all the time? one tree hill
39. Your summer? over
40. Children? school

Monday, October 27, 2008

get ready, lots of pics to post




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more pics




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i finally got some new pictures




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So over the weekend we went took some pictures of my adorably unruly family. I only get one shot at family pictures(my husband does not enjoy them and I have to threaten divorce in order to get him to cooperate) Thus the lack of smiles from him. But he was there and I am appreciative.
We found this subdivision outside of Lowell and I had my personal photographer, the only person Dan trusts to keep Isaiah, and Emory's co-parent and my lifesaver Syard come out and snap some pictures.I of course dressed everyone alike (I know that years from now they will hate these pictures,and write a book about how their childhood was traumatic because they had to dress alike but oh well) and I am suprisingly pleased with how they turned out. My children refuse to take a picture in which all of them are looking straight ahead with a normal espression on their face so if one of the pics turns out I am over the moon.
It really was a fun day (at least for the kids) just kidding, it was fun for me too and not that he would admit it, but Dan thinks its important to record our family through the years too (either that or he just knows he has no choice and just accepts that I will do this from time to time)

Friday, October 24, 2008

adoption search update

I got an email today from my search angel today. My angel was able to make contact with a birth mother from Louisiana that for many years searched for the child she had given up for adoption.From what I have heard this woman sounds so driven in her search. Supposedly she even snuck into the courthouse and was able to copy birth records and eventually formed a type of support group to help other people that are searching. She did find her child and was re-united. She said she has notebook after notebook with notes in it and maybe one of them will have some piece of the my puzzle. Maybe someone knew Maureen and has some clue to find her. I am cautiously optimistic and just have to stop and pray about it. I have learned this past year that you don't have control over what happens since we don't always know God's plan for our lives and why we have to go through what we do go through. I do believe that no matter what when you pray you get an answer. I know it might not be the answer I want to get, so I pray for the peace to just accept what that answer is. It is so much easier to type and a little bit harder to keep a postivie and encouraging spirit though.
It is actions like this ladies that I really find inspiring and encouraging. The world is such a big, big place, full of people with their own lives and stories and it is easy to get lost in it all.But we have the chance to do something good with the trials that we go through. We all have strengths and gifts to offer and as a human being you should do that for someone else. Just because you can.
In my search I alternate between obsessively pouring over adoption sites looking for any bit of information I can find on Maureen and then having to just walk away and not look at any at all because i am just devestated that I can't find anything. I know it's because I don't know where to look and that I do have alot of information so maybe someday I will find her. Or she will find me.If you have not seen The Locator on the channel WE you need to DVR it and watch it. It's about a search angel and how he connects people that are searching for each other. But make sure you have your Kleenx handy.
Honestly I would have given up totally if it had not been for my search angel. She always seems to give me hope when I am not expecting it and it encourages me to be reminded that I just have to keep looking.Maybe try to look at it from a different angle and re-visit what information I do have.Sometimes I ask myself why is she doing this? She has her own life and it is in no way connected to mine (meaning she has no personal agenda for her own gain here) but then I remind myself of what I talked about earlier in this post about helping someone just because you can and I think of her and smile.

Journal entry from Leighton's mommy

I am so overwhelmed right now, I am sitting at my dest bawling (sp?) like a baby so proud of my awesome kids here at the club. When they heard about Leighton and Elijah they wanted to make get well cards. They felt bad and sad and wanted to do something to make them feel better. We could learn alot from kids.......this is the journal entry for today on Leighton's caringbridge page written by Laine (Leightons mommy) and my kids from the club are mentioned in it. I will make sure to read this to them and to tell them how proud I am to be able to say I work at The Boys & Girls Club of Benton County.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2008 12:24 AM, CDT

I am not ready to talk about how hard my past day has been. I can say that Leighton is comfortable with a morphine drip and regularly scheduled adavan. He also looks much happier not having to grasp for air, the vent takes care of that. We have not heard much more then what we were told last night about his heart.

Today is my dad's birthday and he chose to spend it in Little Rock comforting us, and kissing Leighton. Rich made us tacos! We went to the grocery store and that was so much fun! Silly I know, but I have not been grochery shopping in months and it was pretty fun. Dinner was great. So Happy Birthday Dad!

Rich and I are staying at Katie and Hunter's tonight and it has been about a week since we stayed here... so we had a bit of mail piled up. It made our night, really we were laughing so hard we were in tears at times. My nephew Jackson in Georgia drew Leighton some pictures and aget well card. Gina Woods sent us some wonderful encouragement. Denise Wheeler send us such a sweet card. But I think the best thing we have gotten so far was a package from the Boys and Girls Club of Bentonville. We have over 20 home made cards for leighton and each child spent quite some time with art work and words of "wisdom" for our little man. We would like to share a few with you:"Get will soon, I hope you get will, I will pray", "Get well Leighton, I hope you look at this card and smile because we are praying for you!", "Get well soon, you are the best baby ever! I love you Leighton!", "Get well soon, I wish you the best of luck. For we may meet some day. If we do, I know my wish came true.", "A smile from me to you., I hope you get well, Get well very soon so you can have a lot of fun with family. My family is praying for you so get well soon!", To Leighton From XXX (no her name is not xxx, just being safe), I hop you get (the g is backwards) you'r hort back. BaBy Leighto I hop you get betr." "Leighton I hope you get better. Happy Birthday, crich or treat", "I hop you get a ful hort. I hop you get better littel baby srviv the opreashon get wel!" (on this one you can imagin the b's and g's backwards and on opreashon, the "on" at the end is on the next line with an arrow leading to the end of the word....), "Happy Halloween Leighton, I hope you geel better. You might have half a heart but your parents still love YOU", "Get well baby Leighton, You Rock!!!!!", "Leighton you are the best baby ever", and here is one last one "If you look at my name and you say it, it will be find with me! Take the stress off and know he will be fine, We are always waiting fo ryou. To the mom and dad don't give your hopes up!".

You have to imagine how wonderful each one of these card we get are for us. I have always LOVED getting mail as a child and then getting at my very own mail box, but this is even better. I really love the ones where letters are backwards and things are spelled how they sound because that is exactly how i used to do it and still do often. I also love it when there are drawings of little stick figures with wings and halos, and then hearts all over the page. I LOVE kids. Thank you boys and girls club for making our day so special. And thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. Times are really tough and I could not do it without you all.

Rich and I are both headed to NWA for the weekend together. My mom and dad are staying with Leighton and "making" us go home for a few days to do some house work, get the nursery fixed up more, and just have a little time at home. Time for bed. We did not get much sleep at all last night so its time for a nice rest. He is calm tonight. Good night little Leighton. You are the best baby ever and you rock.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Life lessons by me and the things you may not know

So today is the day to post for me I guess. I just love to write, what can I say? But I really liked this one since I have many lessons I have learned (and most of them I learned the hard way)So here are ten things you might not know about me.

1. I wanted to be a cab driver up until I was in the 9th grade (part time of course because I was going to be a singing, interior decorating, teacher as my full time job)

2. I hate to capitolize things. I love lower case letters and it is not an accident when i do it. (It drives one of my best friends Bethany nuts i know :), but she loves me anyways and just corrects me often)

3. I can sew, cross stitch, weave baskets out of newspaper, paint, write poetry and sing (yes i said weave baskets out of newspaper)

4. I can bend all of my fingers back behind the finger next to it. ALL of my fingers and keep them there. (Quit laughing and try it, it's not as easy as it sounds)

5. I have been in love with Sean Connery, Gene Kelly, Travis Barker, Jimmy Smits, Joey Mcintyre, Jason from General Hospital, McDreemy from Grey's,and right now it's Dr. Drew from Celebrity Rehab. (And none of them are black either so see, you thought you knew!!)

6. My favorite drink ever is plain ol vitamin D whole milk (I know most of you thought it was Jagger, but no)

7. The song Dan and I first danced to (and is still our song) is "Easy Like Sunday Morning" by Lionel Richie. We were outside in the beer garden on Dickson and it came on and we danced (so Bethany, I feel you too about loving Lionel)

8. I pray everynight (and for some reason while I am in the tanning bed)

9. I seperate my candy and eat it by color and by twos. i will throw away any stray pieces that don't have a partner

10. I had the biggest crush on my cousin Josh until I was about 7 yrs old or so,and learned what the term incest meant.We are about the same age and I did'nt see him that much since they lived in Kansas. We have talked about it and he thinks it is funny too. (so see Beth, you are not all that strange)

I think we all have our quirks. Those things we think are odd but really just make us who we are.

cheesy leaf bags for the yard





I hope that you can judge whether or not you are getting the whole parenting thing by how many times you say, "I can't believe that I am dong this. It is so cheesy! But my kids are happy so I guess I will keep doing it." If that is the case, I am doing just fine because I say that often. I find myself doing things that I thought were so uncool and cheesy growing up and I swore I would never be that mom. But I am, suprisingly, and as I am saying it myself (and out loud) I really am enjoying myself. I think that for so long I was selfish and self absorbed and my kids were more like accessories and now that I take more pride in being a great mommy doing things like this makes me think I am on the right track FINALLY!!!
This past weekend Kaileigh wanted to buy these ugly orange pumpkin bags that you stuff full of leaves and then put in your yard. And as you can see from the pictures, all the kids got in on the stuffing action. Isaiah would not put down his "Baby" so the bear had to be washed (because he stuffed it in the bag with the leaves several times) then they got the brilliant idea to stuff the dogs in the bags and they thought that was hilarious (too bad the dogs were not as thrilled) so this was our Sunday.
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the pumpkin patch





On this day Kaileigh and I played hooky from work and school and went with Emory's kindergarten class to the pumpkin patch. We had to walk from the school to the pumpkin patch and as you can see in the pics my daughter is the head of the pack when it comes to her peers (but she comes by it honestly so what can I say). Kaileigh of course acted like she was too cool for any of it.
We finally got there and the pumpkins were everywhere. We listened to a couple of stories about pumpkins and where they came from and what they mean and then it was time to pick out a pumpkin. Of course we got one for Isaiah. A cute little one that he held in his lap in the car and then carried all around the house screaming "NINE" (his word for mine) all in all I think everyone had fun. As Emory told me later that night as we were snuggling in my bed "Mommy, this is the bestest day of my whole school career"
I did not make that last part up, those were her words exactly. My kids are such a hoot!!!
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why i love fall

Burnt reds,yellows,oranges and greens all over the ground, hay bales pumpkins scarecrows and mums in people's front yards, stores decorating for the upcoming seasons, pumpkin spice yankee candles, pumpkin and sugar hand soap from bath and body works, taking our yearly fall family picture, stopping for coffee on my way to work, the chill in the air on our saturday morning trips to the public library, going to the pumpkin patch with my kids class from school, carving pumpkins then baking and eating the seeds, watching how happy it makes my kids to fling the pumpkin slime from the inside at each other, putting leaves into cheesy pumpkin bags to set out in our front yard, hay rides and haunted houses, dressing my babies in ridiculous costumes that they will one day hate me for, road trips to mississippi,the return of grey's anatomy and all those other shows that make me cry, pulling out my favorite long sleeved t-shirts, wearing dan's old flannel pj pants, christmas shopping for other people, war eagle and garage sales. I am sure i am forgetting something because i know i love more than this

Monday, October 20, 2008

Not me Monday (just for you Bethany)

So in helping Beth with her blog I decided to jump on the blog assignment bandwagon. Reminds me of a devotional but with out the bible verse.:) This first one is called not me Monday. The whole concept is that you list what is going on with you and do it in the "it is not happening" context. Such as....

My son DID NOT wake me up this morning by saying "I poop" with a cheesy grin showing how very proud of himself he was.

Today I DID NOT try to follow my diet so I ordered an cheap salad that DID NOT taste like %&*$#....Since I paid so much for it I DID just throw it away

I DID not blog about my voyeristic weekend crashing weddings of a local reality show and I DO NOT have a hangover from my not so wild weekend.

I DO not wish I had my lawn decorated with hay bales, pumpkins and mums. This IS NOT my favorite time of year.

This has been a not me Monday and I am NOT glad it is time to go home!!!!!

How I found myself at the Duggar Wedding Reception


So I will admit sometimes I get myself invited to places I am not quite sure how it happened. This was one of those times. I woke up a little hung-over from the night before but did my usual running around anyway. I was a little disoriented from not having my kids around(and knowing they would not be home until Sunday did not help).
At @ 2pm Alicia called and asked me to go somewhere with her. Two of her clients were going to a wedding reception and told her if she wanted to come she could. I don't know if it was out of curiosity or of a need to please but she said she would. And since she knew I watched the tv show they were on she called me. So we went.
It was held at First Babtist Church in Springdale and I will admit, I was suprised at how well everything looked. I don't know if I expected to see everyone in the wedding party in puffed sleeves and white collar matching dresses, but they were pretty modern and a pretty shade of blue. The bride actually made all of them. The family member I got the biggest kick out of is the cousin Amy. She is this petite fiery little thing and she says what is on her mind and it often gets her in trouble.
I know that this family has a lot of mixed fans and fo's in this community. It ranges from "why would you have that many kids" (prob. the most vocalized issue) to "how can you pay for all of that". I just say whatever floats your boat. I can't really tell you why I watch the show. I just do. Michelle really does talk that way all the time, and the kids were really well behaved (my 3 don't act near as calm and easy going as her 17 so that says something to me anyway) Amy said that Jon from "Jon and Kate plus 8" friend requested and messaged her on facebook and said they love the show. For some reason that cracked me up. and someone let it slip what the new babies name is (altough they won't announce it on the show yet). Mostly I just tried to stay out of the cameras way. That would be really embarassing for me. Don't
even know these people and I crashed their wedding and now I am on their show. How tacky would that be!!! But it was an experince and a kinda funny one too.
Oh what a life!
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Saturday, October 18, 2008

date night with Dan

Last night I met up with an old friend from jr. high Elaine. We met on Dickson at Wasabi. I was kinda nervous because I am not an adventureous eater and I've only had sushi one other time. But I got a dragon roll and absolutely loved it.It was not raw (which alot of sushi really isnt raw but I had to ask because there is no way I would ever even try raw fish) ewwww....There wasnt enough food though to fill me up,and it was gone too quickly, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. I tried not to look at the green stuff though and just put it in my mouth. I will say I was suprised at how well I was able to work the chop sticks. Hmmm....
anyway, after Wasabi I headed to pick up my hubby and we went to Eddie Haskell's. Being out in Bentonville has a whole different vibe than Fayetteville. It might just be because I am older and don't get the thrill I once did from being out who knows, but everytime I go out it is kinda a disappointment for several different reasons. one, because I don't get trashed (for the most part) anymore and who wants to be around a smokey room full of people that ARE trashed? and two, because I know tomm. will come too fast and I will have wished I was in bed instead of being out. But it was nice to be spending time with Dan. I don't get to do that a whole lot with out the kids.
After Eddie Haskell's we headed to meet some friends at Boomers. It is new and has a really hip, laid back feel. Lots of sports stuff on the tv and pool tables and an outside patio. Some of Dan's work buddies and our friend Greg was there so we just hung out and I did have a little too much sauce there. We did the time honored tradition of going to eat at Denney's before going home. Nothing like greasy breakfast food when you have had too much to drink.
This morning I am going to the craft fairs and the library and then we have a work thing tonight. I don't know if I am likin the kids being gone this weekend. I feel kinda lost.(or maybe that is the residual feelings from the alcohol last night?!?) anyway, should be another interesting evening but I am not drinking tonight I know that for sure.

Friday, October 17, 2008

why I love blogging

There is something so personal in blogs that I think you don't get with myspace or facebook (and yes, I neglect but have both). It's like I am right there listening to the person telling me the story. My friend Syard says there is no way she would have one because she knows she has dysfunction why would she let anyone else see it. Me, I wave my freak flag high. I love telling stories and yes sometimes it is TMI but what the hell, just don't read it then.
anyway, I spent the morning with Emory and Kaileigh at the pumpkin patch. Emory's kindergarten class went and as homeroom mom I go to every field trip but this time I let Kaileigh skip school and she went with us. Emory was in heaven. We picked out a small one for Isaiah also so he can take it to "school" with him next week for a class project.

This weekend should be fun. I have to drop off some flyers for an upcoming event, it's a 5K run/walk called "Chicks N Chili" and then the kids are going to Syards for the weekend. Yes, I said weekend (well, most of it anyway) I am going to go to the craft fair (alone, sniff sniff) and then Dan and I have a friends suprise birthday party to go to tomm. night so that should be fun. I think we are going to decorate our yard with fall stuff when the kids get home on Sunday so should be a pretty full weekend. But in reading this blog I am not very exciting am I? oh well, there could be worse things in life than being too wrapped up in your family cheesiness.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

fun fun fun at work, and i got to wear makeup today

So today was kinda a neat day at work. First off we celebrated our yearly balloon release with 300 balloons the kids got to release. On the balloon is a note that says this balloon came from "The Boys & Girls Club of Benton County and if you find it here is our address, send us a letter" We do it every year and last year letters came from all over. There is nothing like the sound of a child's scream of happiness (and screams of anger too but that is a different noise altogether) it was such a pretty sight to see all the colorful circles floating up to the clouds.
I was a little meloncholy because while it was a pretty sight the balloon release is something that Beth and Jack's family do at special times with special notes to him on the balloons. So I looked up to the sky and said a quick "love you little buddy" to my favorite angel. and then I was drug back into the building by lots of little hands. Two sets of those hands being my own five and eleven year old babies.
I love being able to spend time with them on a whole different level than being mommy. Being Ms. Wendy is a thrill I dont think I have ever gotten to experience. I conned several of the kids into helping me with the project I have going for Emory's kindergarten class Halloween party. Yes, I am that cheesy mommy that is homeroom mom every year and while I say I dread it (for appearance sake of course), I eat up every minute of it and the happiness my kids get from saying "yeah, that is my mom".
anyway, back to art project. I had the cafeteria ladies save me cans from the lunch room that the food comes in (those really big tin cans they can clean and run through the dishwasher) We painted the cans orange (all 30 of the cans-no way I could do that by myself very efficiently) and now they are drying. I will write each child's name on the can with little squiggles and polka dots in white and black.I drill two holes in each can and a wire hanger will be formed into handles and raffia tied on the ends to make it prettier. For the art project the kids will get to glue black foam pieces in the shape of triangle eyes and a half moon mouth and that will be the pumpkin they can use to go trick or treating with.
Kaileigh did the project in her kindergarten class and we still have it in great shape (and that was 5 years ago) I will post pics on here when we are done so you can see. It's super easy and cheap but it looks like you really went to alot of trouble and the kids (and mommies) love it. At least I did.
So that was my day got to release balloons, paint tin cans and play with my girls.....and I get paid to do this job.

oh yeah, and my pink eye is gone and pealing warped skin has healed enough for me to put makeup on..whoo-hooo life is good

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A Dog's Purpose

A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It's gonna be a long one folks......

So as I was sitting in my bedroom this past weekend (for the last 4 days I have had a horrible case of pink eye and Dan would not allow me to leave the confines of my bedroom) I had alot of time for reflection. Let's see if I can blog it all out into some kind of form that will make sense.
FRIDAY- Work was kindof nuts. I had a very successful sample sale and several upcoming event committee meetings. About halfway through the Texas Hold Em metting I felt my eyes really start to burn and drain a greenish color mushy liquid. As soon as we cleaned up at 1pm I went home so I would not infect any kids (they usually get to the club about 3pm) and by the time I got home my left eye was on fire. So I called Dan and he came home to play nurse and take care of the kids. I did not sleep and relief came only from an ice pack and a bottle of R&R (forgive me father for I have sinned)I was so glad to fall asleep
SATURDAY-I woke up in horrible pain. Nothing helped not eye drops, not ice packs, not praying. But that night I decided to go to the Joe Nichols concert anyway. I donned a not so attractive but very hilarious looking eye patch and off I went. I will admit it was nice to be out of the house and the focus off of my eye situation. I sang and danced (no, I was not drunk) I sat way in the back away from the main crowd and made sure I had my hand sanitizer and did not touch anyone.And although I've been to better concerts, I have also been to worse. I made it home and was able to sleep (somewhat) but on the way home I discovered my other eye was pink. Leave it to me to get it in the other eye. Ugh.
SUNDAY-by today I am miserable. The skin around my eyes is puffy and pealing and just horrid to look at. The green stuff won't stop coming and Isaiah stands at my door and wails "mommy". My poor son must feel abandoned and neglected. Dan has been really wonderful this whole weekend and this is one time his germaphobia is paying off. But I did not appreciate the way he kept spraying lysol all over everything I touched or even in the bed I was still lying in. He made my food and kept the ice packs coming steady. I think I might let him stay around after all. He can be pretty helpful at times.The girls had been visiting their dads side of their families and came home today of course commenting on how un-attractive my eyes look. As if I did not know this already.I am just hoping I can get out of this bedroom soon.
MONDAY-Still not possible to go to work yet. Working around kids is a blast but I want to be careful not to get any of them sick (even though I know one of the rugrats had to have given it to me to begin with)but anyway, I did make it to the dr. and get some more powerful eye drops and the neosporin is finally working so my skin has stopped pealing and bleeding. As I was lying there I found myself getting involved in this lifetime movie called "A Girl Like Me" which is about the true story of a boy that just felt like he should have been a girl and how 4 boys that had been attracted to him (posing as a her) beat and killed him/her. I could not help but think of my own son and how precious he is to me and what that mother must have gone through. Of course you want your child to be successful and liked but most of all I think you just want them to be happy. Dan and I have had several heated discussions about "what if" Isaiah decides he wants to date guys. I always question why there is not the same issue with the girls but he says there just isn't (don't know if I understand that one or not but okay) I am of the opinion whatever floats your boat as long as you don't push it on me. I try to not be judgemental of other people because I recognize that some may have a problem with the fact that I have a bi-racial family. Anytime you do something out of the norm you will face prejudice and hate. I honestly would not choose for my kids to date same sex as them. But that is just the way I feel in my heart and if they did not feel that way I would hope I could still show them I love them. That I don't encourage it but that does not mean I love them any less. My question has always been, what happened in that childs life to make them feel like that is what makes them complete? It is all a little too deep for me to understand I guess, I just worry about it too much (like I worry about everything) Life is messy and awkward enough, I can't imagine having to face the fact that you don't feel like what God made you to be. But that is a whole nother blog. I was just really sad for this boy and his family and just thankful that my kids are healthy and seemingly happy.
TUESDAY-Finally I am back to work. It's been a long weekend and I have 42 emails to respond to. I had the chance to mail the get well soon cards that my club kids made to Elijah and Leighton so that is a really wonderful feeling. I wish I could see their faces when they open up these huge envelopes full of cards made by kids telling them they are pulling for them. Continue to pray for them and that they heal. Another new friend is Brody and you can read his story on his caringbridge site. That address is Jack's foundation is doing amazing things and I am so blessed and honored to be on the board of directors. That little baby has been the catalyst for so much love and healing and I am truly touched by his life every day. If you have not checked out the website it is
anyway, this has gotten long enough and I need to stop procrastinating and get to those emails.

muah for now

Thursday, October 09, 2008

One step closer

So I got some good news from my search angel this morning.
Anne told me about a posting she saw on the Sellers search site (Sellers is the name of the home for unwed mothers that my birthmother stayed while she was pregnant with me). The posting was from a birth mother that had found her son, but she mentioned a girl named Maureen who was there at the same time that the lady posting was. The times match up that it could have been my Maureen,What are the odds that there were two Maureens at the same place? I am hoping it is my birthmother she knew. And even if she has not clue where she is now (which she prob. does not as that was 30 years ago), how cool would that be to have someone who KNEW her when she was pregnant with me and could tell me something about her. Even something as simple as, she drank dr. pepper all the time or she loved the color blue. Some piece of information that makes her a real person instead of the made up one I have in my mind.
So I am rambling, back to the good news. Anne, my angel, was going to try and contact the lady posting to see if she remembered my Maureen and maybe get some clues as to where we might look for her (i say we like i am doing any of the work which i am not) My angel told me that the email address was no longer working and the phone number was disconnected so she did'nt think that would be a lead that would help us.
On a hunch Anne logged into myspace and who did she find, but this lady. She knew it was the same one from the identical information such as her husbands name and the name of the son that she had been reconnected with. So she is going to contact her that way. So keep your fingers crossed that 1)The lady is the same lady and 2)She has some information we can use.

All this is so frustrating sometimes. Knowing that this lady is out there (hopefully still alive) and that there is a story behind my life that I know nothing about. I just have to give it to God and if it is meant to work out it will. Honestly, I think deep down need it to work out more than I prob. should.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Elijah and Baby Leighton

I decided that the best thing I could do to turn this day around was to go out and play with the kids in the club after school. So for the art project this week, I talked the staff in the art room into getting the kids to make get well soon cards for two really sick kids. Baby Leighton is at ACH born without the left side of his heart properly forming. He is making such progress and fighting to live and grow strong. And his mommy and daddy are also fighting to be positive and just love that little boy hard (and they are doing a good job)
And farther away is Elijah, who just went through stem cell harvesting and is getting ready for the (second) critical fight of his short 7 years of life. Cancer is such an ugly word to me. I can't do much but pray. and maybe encourage the 300 plus kids that come through the clubs doors after school to make homemade get well soon cards.
You never really know what it's like to be so helpless until you see a loved one (and even a complete stranger) go through something so heartbreaking. My stress over a car and a dryer and a sister I want to throttle are nothing compared to the fight to live. So pardon me for my bad day and my bad attitude and let me be the first to be there for you next time the hard time is yours.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

my new wheels


Okay, so while it was cool to ride to work with the fam (although I hate the way my husband drives) I am glad to say that I can drive myself to work again (and it will not take my whole paycheck to do it anymore) and even best of all I DO NOT DRIVE A WANNA BE MINI-VAN anymore. I still have to get my windows tinted and a front license plate with an A on it. But that can wait for now. I am just happy to have a car again. And I was terrified of what I would end up with since I had to get something I could afford. This being responsible and paying for your own stuff is not nearly as fun as being young and irresponsible and having your parents pay for stuff. (I am kidding as I type that for all of you that think I am being serious).

So see, I was right to not stress and just let it go and give it to God (as cheesy as that sounds it worked at least this time) I did get to say "I told you so" to Dan which never happens. He was so upset that day the motor blew up and yelling and being grumpy and cussing and blaming me and I just refused to get mad back at him. He said why don't you act like you care? And I told him I do care, it is very upsetting, but your yelling and cussing will not get us another car. I chose to get in the bounce house and jump with the kids and not stress about it.
It truly does just work out the way it is supposed to, sometimes bad things that happen to you can be a blessing.Not that you want to hear that when you are going through a hard time, but I believe it.

I heard a new song that I just love. It is called "Broken" by lifehouse and I will leave you with the words to the song:

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you

Friday, October 03, 2008

Okay, so I put the link in 3 different places so it should be easy to find. This is the story of a little boy who was born really early without his heart fully developing. Stories like this break my heart and I believe that we should all support them and encourage them in anyway we can. Something as simple as keeping up with their blog and sending them love and encouragement is priceless and doesnt take up much of your time at all.

Last night I watched the Front Row Live concert series on the gospel chanel and the featured artist was Natalie Grant. I could tell that I am now a light weight because at one glass of wine I cried for two hours straight after she sang the song "Held". I was not having a good Jack night (as Beth says).Our series we are studying in church right now is on heroes. and what it is to be one. Jack truly is my hero. Something so simple as I got to rent the bounce house for Isaiah's birthday party because of the silent auction because we were trying to raise money because we want to help other families with sick babies because Jack was born. So many things wonderful things came from that tragedy. And as selfish as it is, it is healing to be a part of his foundation. Next to my kids and my family it is my proudest and greatest joy. But that doesnt mean I dont get angry or selfishly wish he were still here. I wish I could do something to give one of my dearest friends her baby back. And that helpless feeling of knowing I can never do that or change her hurt just reduces me to tears. Time does not make it better it just makes it different.

This was on the blog of one of my myspace friends and it really touched me, and I am going to share it now with you,

The Purpose of Trials

No matter how successful we are, we all face challenges, struggles, and times when things don't go our way. When calamities occur, some people immediately think they have done something wrong, that God must surely be punishing them. They don't understand that God has a divine purpose for every challenge that comes into our lives. He doesn't send the problems, but sometimes He allows us to go through them. Why is that? The Bible says temptations, trials, and difficulties must come, because if we are to strengthen our spiritual muscles and grow stronger, we must have adversities to overcome and attacks to resist. Moreover, it's in the tough times of life that we find out what we're really made of. The pressure exposes things that we need to deal with - things such as wrong attitudes, wrong motives, areas where we're compromising. As odd as this may seem, the trials can be beneficial. Your Best Life Now Chapter 23 Joel Osteen

I know that trials are blessings. I know that if he brings you to it,, he will bring you through it. That does not mean it is not hard. It is. So I just make it a point to love my kids as hard and as much as I can. And to say thank you for my blessings and not ever take that for granted. I am truly a lucky girl

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

an eyeopener





It has taken me a minute to stop and process how crazy the weekend was. But now I am back in the office (yesterday I saw Gladys Knight at a Professional Business Women's Conference so I did'nt get much else done)and am in a reflective mood.
Birthdays are always a big deal for me and always have been. I think it has somethings to do with the fact that I am adopted and on every one of my birthdays I wonder if Maureen remembers me? I write to her in my journal every year with the hope that someday I find her and I can show her that yes, I did think of her. I have started to do that on my kids birthdays as well, sort of a way to include her in that special day since she can't be there. Sentimental I know but that is me.
Today was bittersweet for me. It was stressful at times and frustrating dealing with the car situation. I was so happy to see our friends come (cause let's face it, how many friends does a two year old have?) These people really care about us and our kids and can be counted on to support us and that means alot.I did'nt make the huge fuss that I usually try to do. We had food and the kids all played and I just decided to let them enjoy it. No rushing to do the presents, I let all the kids help him and then they all played with his toys. The theme was fun!
The bounce house was great! It saved the day for many reasons. One being financially, the other being at 9pm after we had been dealing with the car fiasco all evening, all 3 of the kids and I climbed in it and jumped and laughed and collapsed into a pile. It was a great way to end the day. Hearing my kids laughing and just enjoying being together (and the fact that they all slept through the night in their own beds cause they were too exhausted to move did not hurt either).
The eye opening part came when it was time to blow out the candles. I guess I thought of Isaiah as my little baby boy that needs help with everything and gets away with way too much cause "he doesnt understand yet". But as I watched him singing happy birthday to himself and then lean over and blow out his own candles on cue a light bulb went off and I realized HE GETS IT....He is not a baby. He is a little boy and he is going to be a spoiled rotten mama's boy if I don't start treating him like a you can do it yourself big kid.(Not that there is anything wrong with being a mommy's boy but others might not share that opinion) so some changes are being made at the Arrington house. The bottles are being rounded up. I say that in the present still going on tense because just like binkies, bottles mysteriously appear after you think they are all gone. The show up out from under the bed and behind the car seats and under the cushions. Everytime I think to myself, so that is where they went. I could not find them when I needed them and now that I want him to forget about them, tada...... So that is one change. The most exciting for me (so exciting that I wrapped it up and gave it to him as a birthday present) IS A POTTY CHAIR..Yes, cheesy and station wagon mommy-ish but I could not help myself. I figured that since he brings me his diapers in his hand and proudly says "I POOP" it was time. pretty exciting times huh.
I think so.
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