Little man starts Preschool today

Little man started preschool today. It's a bitter sweet thing to see your child reaching milestones that you know they are ready for (but you rather wish time hadnt flown by so quickly)

When i woke him (from MY bed of course) his chocolate eyes got wide as he remembered "today is the day" He jumped up and asked me where his "first day of school" clothes were. I was shocked he did'nt ask for his Michael Jackson coat.

He had already informed me several times "i'm gonna find a new gullfriend and buy her gullfriend clothes and she will like me" i told him he needs to find new friends and yes they can be girls too and that they will like him because he is a special person.

Cornball mommy answer i know, but like i said, not liking the "i need to find a gullfriend" mentality. i thought i was his gullfriend...

insert pouty face.

He was so cute as he waited for "his buddy Papa", my dad wanted to go with us for his first day. Isnt his little backpack precious...

it's almost time to pick him up. I'm sure i will hear all kinds of stories about castles, jingly bell musical toys, oranges for lunch and friends both boys AND girls..

in two short days i will be back in a classroom myself but today this school day is all about my handsome little man

Strip Me

Guess it's Not Just Mommy's Turn to Go Back To School

i will admit. i am not cut out to be a stay at home mom.

i'm not! i would much rather pawn my kids off on someone else, skip training  how to  pee standing up, lose my chance to sleep whenever i feel like it.....
okay, so you get the point. i am a full time mommy, don't get me wrong.

but being a single full time mommy has it's disadvantages when one of those kids is not public shool aged. And it has been a journey for  both mommy and her prince.

So....very excited that on Monday, Isaiah will be starting preschool. I applied almost 4 months ago but the waiting list was apparently long.  I am almost as excited as he is (although that might change once he realizes he cant wear Michael Jackson clothes all day everyday anymore)

i do think the interaction kids get from each other encourages them to learn and try things (good and bad) that they wouldnt ordinarily be exposed to. and i like the routine and discipline that school environment brings..i know it has drawbacks for some, im just not one of those "someones"

lets just keep our fingers crossed there will be no biting or head lice or i may have to rethink this whole shindig...

hi ho hi ho it's back to school i go...

Today i went to lunch with two of my best girl friends, Amanda and Tracy. we celebrated our birthdays because they are all around this time of year. i had made Tracy a scrapbook and at her party a couple of weeks ago i had everyone there sign it. i didnt give it to her then, because i had included some Annie memories but that night was so emotional that i decided to wait to give it to her. Amanda got me a beautiful cross necklace with my birthstone in the middle and different color stones around it. who doesnt like getting gifts. i got to put some thought into what i am gonna get her, her birthday is not until the 24 so i have some time...

lunch was great. i still havnt decided what is better...roots or wings? but i am learning that i dont have to choose just one, i can learn to appreciate and use both...

Elaine came over and we  plotted planned our next caper (a friend from Jr. High is having a birthday party this Saturday and we are both going)

i am so lucky to have such great friends, true friends, that have known me all of my life...


No lie or half truth, this past year has been my hardest. Choices I have made and reactions to situations i found myself in made it harder and it's not completely over yet and won't be for some time.

But i am so happy to find myself back in school to finish my degree. i started this journey almost two years ago, and i had to put it on hold when i got myself into trouble in June...so it's been a long over 6 months of non-productivity for me. i admit i was not sure i had it in me TO finish or if circumstances would work out financially so that i could-BUT...it has

so next Thursday i will begin "Childrens Literature in a Pluralistic Society" very psyched because any kind of lit class is an easy task for me. So ready to get back to the papers, the reading, the discussion with an adult about something other than Michael Jackson and who's turn it is to do the dishes....

i also have decided to change my major. i will stay where i am long enough to bring up my GPA and get back on track with my financial aid then transfer from Fayetteville to a school closer to home and change my major to Creative Writing/Journalism.

you don't need a peice of paper to tell you that you are a writer you just are. and i am. i love the process of writing, need it, want to hone my craft.

this year is about realizing my potential. or at least attempting to find my happy place. Why go through all the sacrifice and hard work unless it is for something you really love. and this is what i really love.

 

Valentines Day

i have never been that girl that needs a man. Most of the time i am the girl that doesnt even want a man.

my daddy has spoiled me rotten for most of my life (hmmm maybe i can start blaming him for all of my life's failures)

just kidding. he is amazing.

so usually on this day that is all things love, i have never really been into it. could care less if i did have a "valentine" to share it with and if i did could care less what he got me (or "if" he got me something)

fast forward to today. All in all a good day. i have been sick with a cold (think it was that midnight cemetary visit last friday night) but that is beside the point. ive been sick. today i was not.

so that meant last minute gift buying for the dreamer, the diva and the prince. Along with the balloons that will deflate and candy they don't need....We had settled on crab legs, homemade chocolate covered strawberries, and making cards for each other...

when it comes down to it, it's not about how I feel about the holidays. it's about my babies. How they grow up and view these days are a reflection of how i raise them to view them. Taking advantage of a special day to tell someone you care about them has no direct relevance to how much you spend on them. It's about how you treat them.

i hope they grow up to treat each other with love and kindness and thoughtfulness...

so they were not the prettiest, but they were the yummiest (we used Ghiradelli mint chocolate)...i think that's how you spell that word.

The inside of the diva's card to me said "Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can't wait to hug and kiss you"...

I have this new thing for tulips..want to fill my front yard full of em. and not only did i buy some for myself today but my mom and dad brought me some too...

the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come back in

~Morrie Schwartz

a hunting i must go (for a good bookstore that is)

             the story of a father whose daughter dies at 38 and he is left to care for her children..As parents we often wonder what would happen to our children if something should happen to us. i'm very excited to read (and i have no doubt cry) along as i read what sounds like a very emotional, heart warming tale.

The book follows a married couple and their close friends and family members as their chaotic relationship unfolds over the years. What draws me to the book is the description of the main couple. She is a homemaker characterised by her dry humor and biting wit (i feel a kinship) and her lawyer husband is stiff and likes all things environment. There is a rape, undiscovered dreams and of course a love triangle. It sounds realistic and clever and something i can relate to.

I started this trilogy and now am down to the third and final book. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Plays With Fire tell a tale of Lisbeth Salander. She being the hard nosed, tough, and enigmatic girl that noone understands and most people fear. i resisted reading the books but kept hearing about them so during the snow storm i said what the heck. The library didnt have the third one (Hornet's Nest) so i am on a mission once we thaw out to find it.

snow day part deux

fter visiting family in Boston in the middle of a snowstorm,  i can say i finally get the concept of a snow days...

not that we dont get the occasional one around here..

today being one of them. so what do you do when you are snowed in and school has no hope of opening back up for awhile and your kids are driving you nuts behaving so nicely?

you take them out to freeze and possibly get pnemonia

SLEDding

in this case we used an old water ski disc that i found somewhere last year and an old fashioned sled that my dad had up in the attic.

four adults (me, T, Nik and Benny) and 9 kids (Kai,Ree, Ike, Laynee, Lucas, Peyton, Jeremiah, Braxton and Stephanie) piled up in our cars and we descended upon Bell Park

                         Isaiah is all ready to go. Oversized sunglasses and mismatched gloves and all

me and Kai

of course little mama is taking care of "her" baby

hold on tight little brother

NIki and Braxton (with Kaileigh and Stephanie in the back having a snow ball fight)

me and Nik...this girl has been my friend since we were 17

Niki's first time on a sled

a little bumpier than she thought....

the pansies kids had to get into the car to warm up

Trisha, me and Niki (Bell Park)

this is the park that we used to come to in high school. it has seen many hookups, breakups, school skipping, donut driving, tears cried and laughs. very neat to be bringing my kids here now to make memories of their own

Braxton got a little too big for his britches with the snowball throwing so Benny had to show him what was up

we have MANY pictures like this. us in the front, town in the back

Benny, T, Jeremiah and Peyton

by the way the kids slept last night they had a lot of fun releasing some energy. i must admit the adults in the group did too. Getting together with the people you love is really important i think. This is the stuff my kids will remember. Me actively participating in their childhood.

i will admit though, at 5 o'clock when the school called to let me know that class had been canceled for tommorrow as well i had a smh moment....

let me end this post now, i need to look back on my pictures from Boston and remind myself that it could be worse....this too shall thaw

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

lately i have had to go back and delete, go back and delete. Sometimes things just don't have to be said despite the overwhelming urge to do so. i have always had a hard time holding my tongue and if i am truly going to work on this i should prob start now.

i wish there was a block in blogland like there is on facebook. That i could block just specific people and it would be as if they were not even alive to me. i choose to leave my blog public for many reasons, but that is not without its downfalls.

i have had a hard couple of days i will admit. Well, it started on my birthday and has lasted up until now. i am trying to work through this (and havent been doing such a good job lately). That stops today.

i am going to just.let.go.

Star light, Star bright, first star i see tonight....

Emptiness is a symptom that you are not living creatively. You either have not goal that is important enough to you, or you are not using your talents and efforts in a striving toward an important goal.
~Maxwell Maltz

i like this. it is a much needed reminder that i am NOT lost. i am in progress. i am NOT complaining. i am learning. and i am NOT empty. i am full. For once i am so full of love and purpose and i am right where i want to be....

and yet...

i often wonder what is going to inspire me. where will i find the words and want to take the time to open up my heart and put pieces of me out there. which ultimately open me up to ridicule and misunderstanding (two things i abhore)

tonight it's the movie "Bright Star" which is the story of Fanny Brawne and John Keats. Here is a man who was solitary and unsure of both himself and his ability to love. He met a woman who was opinionated and fiery and together they spent the last three years of his life (he died at 25) in this amazing love affair. Fanny never took off his ring.

lately, and i don't know if it's because my dear friend Trisha has found a new love in her Benny, but i see constant indications of the love affair that i do not have in my own life. i don't date you see, and can go years and years without some sort of "other half". and most of the time i am okay with that. i am an all or nothing kind of girl and would rather hold on to that possibility of something great than to cling to something that has no possibility at all.

but i am human and i do get lonely and i have had a lot of "letting go" to do lately.

which i guess is not such a bad thing if you think about it, it just means when i do meet him...there is plenty of room for him to occupy...

Birthday (again) with the fam and a girls night out

Last night was a much needed break from being stuck in the house. Snow days are only fun for so long and i have had my fill.We all braved the cold and went to Beef O' Bradys for dinner to celebrate my birthday (my dad and brother were out of town all week) so it was a good time to eat and be with my family.

And then the fam left and the party really started. girls night!!!

Goodbye old friend

if you know me, you know i am a thing person.

i save it all, never knowing if i will get to kiss that persons cheek, hug that persons neck again... never knowing if this might be the last "thing" i have in remembrence of them.

i can trace it (it being that thought process) back to my grandmother Irene (i was named after her....Wendy Irene) 

 she was a special foreign breed of "family" to me. She was the only grandmother i had ever known as both sets of my parents "parents" other than her were gone long before i would know what a grandparent was (up until a few weeks ago that is)

she lived very far away and we visited very infrequently (and she only came to see us twice that i remember) we never got gifts or cards from her (which was okay, she just didnt have the money to do that) don't get me wrong, i know she loved and missed us,,,it was just the miles. She has been gone for over 10 years now...

the three things she did give me, a music box, a makeup set, and a faux bear rug....i still have to this day. intact and unused. i just knew that someday i would want them to be as they were when she gave them to me.

so tonight is a meloncholy night...

the card i wrote should have said,

"i am giving back your rings, could you give me back the piece of my heart"

over the past few days i am learing a painful (albeit freeing) lesson. One that many "grown ups" learn way before my age and become seasoned to it so that each time you practice the concept it becomes less painful easier to handle. me, i dont let go very easy.

wanted to put a really cool letting go quote here, but let's face it. the only thing to be said of letting go (as you are doing in anyway) is that it sucks.

maybe it's why i kept these rings for 13 years...i am glad they are finding their way back home and i was happy to look after them until they did...

a piece fit for a Wendy

i have been on a search...i want the perfect piece (or pieces) to put above my bed. and i do think i have decided what i want.

let me backtrack by telling you a story. about OF COURSE my babies. my now ex husband and i were trying to decide on what we were going to buy each other for our one year anniversary..

i of course picked the diamond band that finished the now defunct wedding set of my dreams..he on the other hand was a bit more cautious (should have paid more attention to him in hindsight)

he chose a tattoo..with three letters I...K...E

right off the bat i hated it. Our son Isaiah was just a little baby and when my mom (or anyone) called him Ike i shuddered...until he explained this thought process to me

he said, dont you see. our three kids names are Isaiah Kailiegh and Emory....IKE
and so i gladly paid for those letters to be tattooed on his body...where they still proudly stay today

maybe diamonds are NOT a girls best friend..

and so in returning back to my blog post...i have decided that is what i want. three very special unique pieces with three simple letters on them...I and K and E

i do kinda like this style.....

this is my all time favorite..would love to have three seperate pieces with a bunch of objects or ways to use the letter of their name..so very personal i think..

man, no i just gotta find someone that can (or has interest) in doing it...or hell, maybe i can do it myself...something to ponder

always subject to change

i've often wondered what too much is.

too much "time together" too much "i love you"
too much "you hurt me" too much "this sucks"

i dont know which kind of blog i like more? the funny "i can't believe you said that" or the sad "i am so sorry that happened to you" kind of blog...

i admit i like them both

i don't know what kind of blog this is. i don't know what kind  i want it to be? is that so wrong of me? can i just write and know that someone somewhere reads it

( cause i have a track site reader so i know that it is not just me... the site reader doesnt just have my ip address)

just like i don't know what i want to be when i grow up, i dont know what i want my blog to be... can we just be okay with that for now?

i did find a song that fits me...



rigiht now anyways, that is always subject to change..

It's MY birthday

i struggled with what to say today. i choose to not acknowledge you in a way that you KNOW that i am ignoring you. that usually i would write you and think of you and other than this post...i have not...

i am not going to respond to your post other than to say i read it and you hurt me. you opened wounds that were starting to heal and you made new ones that run so deep. i know someday i will forgive you but right now....i have no desire to.

today was a GREAT DAY..