Friday, August 26, 2011

Goodbye old friend part two...and other stuff

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day we lost our friend Anne Marie.

I can never talk about her without saying "we" because it's not just MY friend that I lost. So many people loved Anne ( don't get me wrong, so many were intimidated by her but thats just because they didnt know her) if you knew her, you loved her! and we feel it daily and deeply.....

Through out this process of going nuts/ moving home/ finding me (or rather, being okay with the me that is true and authentic) I just never imagined that it would have to come at the expense of one of my friends lives. Why can't people (people being me) learn lessons on their own? Why does it take a catastrophe or horrible event to drill into your thought process the need to reflect and redirect your focus? 

That is typically how I work. I go and go and live and live and then one day it dawns on me I have been missing something. In this case I was missing the fulfillment and fullness that comes from having a close group of girl friends that accept and push me to be the person I want to be. Coming home has allowed me to reconnect with that. I just hate that she is not here for me to say I am sorry to. I was so caught up in myself and my life that I wasnt there for her when she needed me the most. I know I can't dwell on couldve shouldve wouldve but the fact that I failed her in ways I cant make up with haunt me till I die. just being honest.

I think that so many times we get caught up in living. in jobs and in wanting to give our kids a good life that we forget to give ourselves a good life. To revel and rejoice in the laughter and silliness of a good time with great hearts. To hug and smile and take pictures of moments you will never get back. To balance out those tball games and parent conferences with late night swims and drinks on the's okay to   pretend your  17 every now and then, cause let's face it. we never will be again.

. I will honor my friends (past, present and future) in that way. Those were some of the best days of my life, and from time to time I have days that rate right up there still and I am a very blessed girl because of it...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck


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It's just not Fair

You get to see me, but I don't get to see you.

You get to know my innermost thoughts and feelings and get glimpses into my life while I have no clue who you, my reader, is.

Are you my estranged family member who wants to keep tabs on me but can't ask for yourself because then (gasp) it will look like you care?

Are you that boy who said all those things that hurt me so deeply and you still check up on me from time to time this way cause "noone will know"

Are you the friend I no longer talk to and most likely it's my fault we don't talk. I left quite a wake when I moved and I acted like a royal bitch and if I havent said I'm sorry I really honestly truly am. Quite a few of you I wish I could make it all right.

Could you be the stalker who just wants to see if I am still a trainwreck? Checking to see if I can give you any more ammunition to use against me or using my blog as a way to make yourself feel better. Sorry to disappoint you...

I hope that for whatever reason you are reading this blog you get some entertainment out of it. I am glad you stopped by and I hope you come again....mine is a story full of suspense, drama, and love. It's just begun to be written and I have so many plot twists and character development to come...stick around and enjoy the tale being spun...
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