Sunday, February 28, 2010

life is so very good

so i know sometimes it may seem like my life resembles this

i get it. i see it (umm. i'm LIVING it)

but really, my life is like this

despite it ALL I have a belief in my God that loves me, my family supports me, and most of all I have three healthy amazing babies that adore me.

I get to go to school, have time to play with friends who make me laugh when i need to and wipe my tears when i need to cry....


don't think I don't know it...I do.

today being Sunday I just wanted to take a second on the lord's day and just acknowledge him. I don't always publicy do that and I just felt it in my heart today to do so.

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Friday, February 26, 2010

not quite sure

Sometimes I freak myself out...I laugh myself to sleep

It's my lullaby

Sometimes I drive so fast Just to feel the danger

I wanna scream

It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe?

Somebody rip my heart out

And leave me here to bleed

Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines

Would make my life so boring

I want to know that I

Have been to the extreme

So knock me off my feet

Come on now give it to me

Anything to make me feel alive

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences

Use no common sense

If you look you will see

that this world is a beautiful

accident, turbulent, succulent,opulent permanent, no way

I wanna taste it

Don't wanna waste it away
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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Mardi what!!?? it's a week later but oh well!!

In my effort to expose my kids to culturally diverse experiences I dragged happily rounded up my brood and we went down to Dickson for the Mardi Gras parade.

I explained how I was born in New Orleans and although I am not "from" there I am and that it is cool to celebrate or at least acknowledge exciting events for other cities and communities and that Mardi Gras is a big one for New Orleans (and let me tell you, at one of those moments where you are trying to be all meaningful and profound, they just rolled their eyes and were not as impressed as I had hoped)

you can't win em all....

But they did perk up when they say they got to wear masks and get lots of beads (at least they did not know what you are supposed to do for those beads)......

Emory and Isaiah in their masks...

"can you see me mommy" he kept saying...cute baby boy


Emory's homemade Mardi Gras Mask,,,

In the end it always comes back to us....Like I have said before, It may be a crazy life, but it's OUR life....and I WOULD NOT TRADE A SECOND OF IT...

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Saturday, February 20, 2010

a night out with me and my humans

So tonight, all newly single and all i decided to forgo an invite to check out the UFC fight and i braved the lonely night.....with my kids.

which i had forgotten how un-lonely that could be. funny thing about getting all caught up in new (maybe not real) puppy love that makes you forget oh say- YOUR BRAIN.

anyhoo. date night with my humans went well (albeit a tad chaotic)

while eating yummy chips and salsa and waiting on my enchiladas Emory said how excited she is to be sitting next to the Mexican people. Then she starts talking about how she could not "for the life of her" convince Saide that she (Emory) is white.....

psssssss...over here. HAVE YOU SEEN EMORY??? Here are some pics of her and her sister and she is wellll.....being Emory. explaination enough

need I say anything more on this? maybe not but I will. We have this really cool blended family. My humans and I. Not to say that at sometimes awkward times i need to break out the red and yellow black and white song...tonight being one of those said times. I try to not get too caught up in the whole thing and just let her feel how she feels unapologetically......but come on. can we do this NOT in public just for once.

Then there was the conversation that started with Kaileigh telling me how frustrated she gets when "little fifth graders" pass her in the hall and tell her she is cute and does she want to be their girlfriend. She is in sixth grade and that is soooooo beneath her. She said to me so calmly and put off "i just dont want a boyfriend" so then in turn Emory jumps in her seat screaming "i want a boyfriend" which in turn Isaiah jumps in his (and my) seat screaming even louder " I WANT A BOYFRIEND"

HIS DADDY WOULD BE SO PROUD. and i am feeling like i am doing SUCH a super job as a mommy....

so then we decide to go bowling. let me break that down for you.


i think the pics say it better. but i will say this about myself. NOONE CAN TELL ME I AM NOT BRAVE

as you can see. Isaiah is beyond capable of even walking on his own, if put down he takes off running down the lanes, my hair is mess makeup gone and Kaileigh is obviously tired as well. Emory was bribed with Starburst so she is good.

but you know what, would not trade a second of it. chaos and all. even the doing it alone part. me and my humans are good. (i am even better now that they are asleep and i am pouring myself a glass of wine)...

night yall.

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cloudy with a chance of rain...

I have often wondered who you are (you,reading my blog). I have wondered what your motives are for following along as i attempt to process all that is thrown in my path? and do you get anything out of my musings?

I will admit lately I am stumbling along waiting to get it all figured out. I have held on for so long to the ideas that I am a victim and innocent at that. That I was unwanted and easily replaced and that I did not really fit it anywhere. Just call me bitter, resentful with a side of whining.....

it just has to stop now. and as hard as it is to wrap my head around change (as much as I love it) the only way it can stop is through me.

okay, so that was the easy part. saying it. now how do I go about doing it?

now would be a good time for those big girl panties....

okay, I can't take on quite THAT much but you get my point.....

I recently went to Hobby Lobby and while browsing for more junk I don't need   priceless treasures I found a small plaque that reads;

"life is just a place to grow a soul"

I wish there was a place you could go to order one of those. ummm....i'd like to be honest, kind,compassionate, funny and witty with a side of healthy sarcasm, mellow, strong, wise, inquisitive, giving, a good listener with a little reflection..... and could I get a side of fries hold the salt with that please.

okay, so it doesnt work that way I know, but as I look over that list of traits I see that while I don't posess ALL of those things I can claim some of them.

Really all you can do is learn to be comfortable in your own skin. That what I have to give not be accepted by everyone but by shutting out the people that are there to recieve I am not being "careful" I am being ignorant. And by holding on to things that I cannot change I am not being "cautious" I am playing a role. the v word. and I am not a victim.

this kind of started with a message from someone who had read my blog and it made me just start to think about who all really does read my blog and what they might take away from it. More than anything I just want to be the kind of girl that is known as a good and loving mommy, someone who lives life as it comes and learns along the way, someone who is better than she was before and only gets better.....

Thursday, February 18, 2010

i need a new layout...HELP??!!

 I have really been struggling with the whole blog background issue. I have changed so many times, half of the time i have no idea what i left it looking like

i know, not acceptable.

so now, as i sit here listening to Emory sing along with Justin Beiber (eyeroll) i am just inspired STUCK

I had a really nifty little background. cute really. but like all things Wendy. i got bored. so i erased it.

ummmm. why did i not wait until i had a new one designed. gasp....

polka dots, stripes, shabby chic or retro funk? ugh.

so what do you think? and since my usual lady is super busy right now and i really want one pronto do you know of any good bloggy designers miracle workers...

hugs and such,

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Feb recap although it's not March

shhhh! Don't tell but I had a birthday (my 32nd) the shhh part is that I have been 22 years old for about ten years and I am really thinkin I am pulling it off well.

Well, until my kids get involved and tell how old I am.

you can't win em all or so i've been told.....

This year all i really wanted was a Tano. I could not decide on a color. Do i go brown and basic so I can carry it all the time? Do i go bold orange or yellow so that the world notices my ultra hip handbag??

I let Ryan pick and I will say he did pretty good. So I am the overly petty, borderline superficial owner of a Tano. Now I just have to make sure it does not get wet, soiled by the bag of french fries that stays perched by it on my front seat, gotta make sure no pens are left uncapped or anyone breaths on it wrong.

you know, all the important things to be thinking about in life.

on a more serious note...

life in MY world has taken a few more turns for me this month. school is great (i am in a writing class which is a no brainer for me, except we are learning APA writing style and blah blah blah blah) so it is taking brains. Kids are good. Work is so-so right now. National (where I have been working) filied chapter 11 and the lay offs started. Since i was low on the todem poll i got let go. I have never been laid off so I will admit i was devestated. But after the unemployment kicked in and i am actually making more than i was and i get to sleep in. it's not so bad. But today i got a job i guess we will see.

Ryan and I are on again, off again (today being off again) i really dont know what to say about that so i usually just don't say much at all. I hate being conflicted and i hate being in limbo. It's so much easier just to be single sometimes. at least then you KNOW what is going on.

I am finalizing my divorce soon. On March 28 it'll be a year. of course going through so many emotions right now. I really dont know what i will think knowing it's over and final. Up until now i think i just went through the motions of learning to live single again. I think i knew it was going to get hard at some point but i just assumed i was handeling it many things i would like to be doing differently. Where does the motivation come from?

but i will survive. that is what i do. i have three reasons that i know this to be true.

and in the end....despite age, income, love life and i really need anything more than them???

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

For the love of Tuesday

This is a picture of my newest unecessary online purchase. The one where you are just haphazardly browsing and see this blog that makes you stop breathing and combined with other events that don't really hit you at the time, but all of a sudden catch up with you when added with a story like this just go.

and you buy this pendant with a simple word. a day of the week really.

but in reality is a name. of a baby. that lived and breathed. and has a mommy and a daddy and a family that prayed every day that the mean illness that ultimately took her life would grant them some mercy and let their precious little angel live....that simple word somehow means a little more.

over a year ago i started bloggin about a little fighter that was fighting cancer. And to see her HUGE eyes and abundant smile you could not help but fall in  love with her. You can go read about her yourself here and i did. right off the bat. At the time i was going through a hard time, but hearing her story made me stop and pray to my God and say "thank you" . it made me kiss my kids a little hard and reminded me to shut up when i wanted to complain about my self enduced problems that in the grand scheme of life mean nothing,

The pendant is only about ten bucks. and i can wear it often and tell her story when people ask me "who Tuesday is"

that's not even a tank of gas
or 4 days of buying Dr.Pepper before you head to work
or even worse two Starbucks coffees while late on the way to work
it's not a week worth of school lunches
or a weeks worth of cable, or your cell phone bill
really, what is ten bucks? when its doing something in the name of a cause bigger and better than yourself???

just saying.

really glad i could do a small thing

in the name of a bigger purpose

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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

"I'll have the crap"

So, it is my 22  (i wish) 32nd birthday and as is tradition my kids and i went to Red Lobster. we do it everyyear, my birthday present to myself. Isaiah wanted to sit by Emmy BooBoo (his name for his sister "Emory Brewer") and he wanted to "be big boy" so he was. The waiter (bless his heart) was patient with us and finally we were ready to order. Emory ordered her favorite lobster. Isaiah said clearly and calmly "i wanna have CRAP" i just smiled (letting him be "big boy") the waiter looked at him again and then at me. Isaiah said again "i wanna have CRAP"
i guess Emory was sick of the waiter looking at her precious baby brother like he was a moron and with an eyeroll she said "He'll have the crab"

After ordering the "CRAP" this is what he ended up eating.......which, is pretty much crap. yummy crap...but still crap.

My 2010 birthday pic

Overall the day was wonderful. i had sooo many birthday wishes i felt really recognized (which is phenomenal. i'm vain like that) i spent the day having sushi with Syard (much needed soul session, sometimes we get so caught up in co-parenting Emory that i forget what a truly remarkable friend she is) then it was to the Goodwill store. Guess i am going to volunteer there and at the local library to give me something to do during my layoff. Makes me feel less of a bum and more like a productive citizen.

Got my taxes done and to my suprise am getting much more than what i ever imagined so i am going to plan a trip. well, two trips. one for the kids and ONE FOR ME....where should i go?

Got to run home really quick and get a few smooches in with Ryan. He has MMA training tonight so i knew i wouldnt really get to see him much. but it's okay big birthday party is Saturday and i am VERY excited about getting to see everyone. Very excited to show him off.

it's a very good place to be right now.

this place of ME

Monday, February 01, 2010

Emory oh Emory

This kid really makes me laugh (and pull my hair out) here are some clips that show why....