One step closer

So I got some good news from my search angel this morning.
Anne told me about a posting she saw on the Sellers search site (Sellers is the name of the home for unwed mothers that my birthmother stayed while she was pregnant with me). The posting was from a birth mother that had found her son, but she mentioned a girl named Maureen who was there at the same time that the lady posting was. The times match up that it could have been my Maureen,What are the odds that there were two Maureens at the same place? I am hoping it is my birthmother she knew. And even if she has not clue where she is now (which she prob. does not as that was 30 years ago), how cool would that be to have someone who KNEW her when she was pregnant with me and could tell me something about her. Even something as simple as, she drank dr. pepper all the time or she loved the color blue. Some piece of information that makes her a real person instead of the made up one I have in my mind.
So I am rambling, back to the good news. Anne, my angel, was going to try and contact the lady posting to see if she remembered my Maureen and maybe get some clues as to where we might look for her (i say we like i am doing any of the work which i am not) My angel told me that the email address was no longer working and the phone number was disconnected so she did'nt think that would be a lead that would help us.
On a hunch Anne logged into myspace and who did she find, but this lady. She knew it was the same one from the identical information such as her husbands name and the name of the son that she had been reconnected with. So she is going to contact her that way. So keep your fingers crossed that 1)The lady is the same lady and 2)She has some information we can use.

All this is so frustrating sometimes. Knowing that this lady is out there (hopefully still alive) and that there is a story behind my life that I know nothing about. I just have to give it to God and if it is meant to work out it will. Honestly, I think deep down need it to work out more than I prob. should.

My Search Angel

If I could be described by 3 letters according to my husband my initials would be TMI. I don't have that thing in my that can just shut up. I think talking is theraputic and if someone does not want to hear me they can just tell me to stop talking (otherwise they must want to hear what I have to say in my opinion.)
Recently I have been intrigued and obsessed by my new friend who I will just call my search angel from now on. She contacted me about an old posting on an adoption website that I had actually forgotten I had posted. She had some information about where I was born (Sellers) and she had some questions about the information I listed on the site. I went through many emotions after talking to her that first time. From maybe it's Maureen pretending to be someone else to what if she is going to tell me she knows Maureen but that I have to pay her money to get that information (not that I would ever give someone money like that). But I was hooked so I kept responding to her emails and then I found myself asking (and wanting to know) about her. For no other reason than she likes to help people does she do this. And she is helping me search. She is my search angel .
I had gotten to a point that I pretty much accepted that I would never find Maureen. I was okay with that, although every birthday and holiday and sometimes for no reason at all I write letters to the birthmom I have never known. Silly I know, but in doing so I have convinced myself that someday I will still find her and she will have proof that I did think of her.
My mom Jan says she is supportive, but can she be? Can you be a mom and know that there are things in your childs life that have nothing to do with you? I am making a mental note to myself that someday my kids just may have feelings and emotions that do not revolve around me and not to take that personal (and for the record i have just been let down......
to realize this life truth. I guess I just thought that my kids always think of me and make decisions based on me like I do for them, but I don't do that for my mom so why would my kids do that for their mom? As a mom that is a depressing thought but that's another blog)
Anyway, hopefully I get some kind of answers to all this mess that has gone on since I was a kid watching the miss america pagent and wondering if miss louisiana was my mom (silly i know but i was 5) I am thankful for Anne and her ability to lead me in the right direction and listen when i go off on my own detours. Guess we will see where this journey leads me.