out with the old and on with my life

I have really enjoyed this blog. For so many reasons it was theraputic and just plain fun. But it is not fun anymore but more of a chore. So I am not going to be posting on this blog anymore. Does not mean i am gone for-ever. Just gone from here.

Thanks yall!

for the record...muzak christmas carols SSUCKKK

.........and i only have to listen to the crap for almost a whole month longer!!!!

so call me scrooge..

 but besides my red puffy face that makeup cannot restore to its usual shine now i have a splitting headache and can't stop singing "have a blue christmas" Elvis style... (can you tell i work in retail?)

but you'd think that since i work in a place that caters to builders and contractors why the heck would you play elevator music to begin with. AND THEY DONT EVEN CALL IT MUSIC, ITS MUZAK....

it's horrendous, that's what it is.

but it sure beats the promotional video for the new Paula Dean furniture (yes, she makes furniture) that home decor plays periodically. If i have to hear "hey yall" one more time i may just ...i dont know what i will do but i sure wont be happy doing it.

i am not sure why, but i laughed soo hard when i found out 3 people were actually waiting in line outside the door at 7:30am when we opened. i guess the ad we put out worked. and the #1 selling popular item.....(cue the music) the $59.00 five minute toilet. (my guess is they call it that because it is made so cheaply that it just takes five minutes to clog up.

really guys. this is a home improvement store.

On a uplifting note i got a really cool email from my daily dose of wisdom ala~ Rev. Run. It said...

"you can get anything you want in life if you help enough people get what they want. ~Zigler"

i thought it was really cool cause to me it means that we can all be happy and obtain what we want, if we help each other out. and that even if i am focusing on helping other people more than myself it's okay, because someone else is going to be looking out for me.

i am very excited to have the weekend off. hopefully i can get a storage unit and quickly fill it up with all the junk filling up my house.Desperately need to go by the library to pay my fine and find some good books to read (it's been awhile since i read and i am hoping i still know how to), grocery shopping can be squeezed in but then i need to paint my kitchen and put Kaileighs bed together, throw in 5 dog baths,three kid showers,an overhaul of the playroom and some snuggle time with Ryan and i wont have much of a weekend off now will I?

this blog temporarily taken over by hormones

Pardon the interruption yesterday.....my blog was taken over temporarily by hormones.
All technical difficulties have been cried out and we will now return to your regularly scheduled posting.....

Don't mess with Texas....or so they say

today has been bittersweet for me.

i was supposed to be in Texas tonight. Meeting my family, basking in the compliments about how much i look like my mom and my sisters (one of them there that i have not met yet) you dont know how hard its been not to jump in my car and just show up and say suuuprriissseee.....                                                                                                                                       
but i am here.in Arkansas and they are there. in Texas.. not really sure now what the heck happened. i know that it all happened so fast. and that i freaked out and over-analyzed EVERYTHING. some things got said, and i did not know how to process. and instead of giving me time to just get over it and figure out a way to just be .....i got pressured to give more than i could give. and then it came to the kids birthdays and i didnt hear from them and i got upset. i just remembered all the birthdays i did not know them and did not hear from them and i blamed her. i did. maybe i still do..... so i closed up and it snowballed. till there was nothing left. nothing. she told me to leave "''Her"""""" family alone. and i just want to scream my sister JaLana made the comment one time that the twins have every right to feel entitled and protective of her. that that is their mother so i just should take it and not get offended if they say things to that effect.                          i say that is a crock of crap. we came from the same place and she is just as much MY mom as she is their mom. The only difference is that she did not want me. plain and brutal simple truth. i dont really care what the nicey nicey folks have to say about a mom being the one that raises you and all of that. I felt this connection to her from the start, i saw myself in her. and now she is gone. again.      FOR 31 YEARS I felt that my mom did not want me. I am not going to display everything that she told me because i have learned that sometimes you dont have to say it all for it to be there. it just is. but some of the things she told me i dont know how to deal with. it hurts. and honestly this is the first time i have talked about this. with ANYONE other than my counselor. so excuse me if i ramble and rant and cry and dont make much sense. i dont know how to make sense of this. all i feel is the loss and the rejection and confusion of not knowing how the hell i feel....................Happy Thanksgiving Wendy