"From the end of the earth will I call unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: Lead me to the rock that is higher than I," Psa. 61:2.
As I sit here typing, in my own living room, with me comfy bed waiting for me to climb into it, my husband is in the bedroom watching sports. It feels good to be here. I will admit last night was "weird" being back which I never thought I would feel in my own home.
I had lots of emails in response to my last post and I was a bit overwhelmed. In a good way of course. Thank you so much to complete strangers who took the time to say "I have been there". Is there a more greater gift that you can give someone than support??? I think not.
I don't know what will happen. I know that I genuinely enjoy being married. I enjoy the twosome-ness of it, and the whole-ness of our family. But is that enough? I do love him. He did step up and take care of ALL of us, and he did so without complaining...for awhile. Now it's like he thinks he should be givin an award and I just don't have any "hooray for you" awards lying around right now. It's on back order.
My main focus right now (other than this Saturday's Texas Hold "Em Tournament) is just being my same chaotic mommy to the kids. So far they just think we are busy with school, work, guitar, and all that jazz like we usually are. We are a very busy family so that (for once) has been a plus. As for the rest of it, I don't know how that will play out. But what I do know is that I appreciate the kind words, encouraging thoughts and words of wisdom from people that have been there and lived through it.
Goodnight, and thank you friend.
2 comments:
I can so relate Wendy.
Unfortunately my marriage did not survive the test of times... and never did I think it would come to what it did.
It is something that shouldn't be let go of though - I know that I didn't address it at first sign, and that led to a greater amount of sadness and resentment. I often wonder if we didn't deal with the issues early on - if we would be where we are now.
I know that it seems like a long road that you aren't even sure that you have the energy for - but it will be worth it!
Hang in there my friend... you are already doing the worlds best job of parenting, it might just take that extra push to get things figured out with your hubby!
If you need anything at all you know where I am!
I so agree with what you said about the greatest gift being support! The support you get here in bloggy world is sometimes unimaginable and it's so amazing! I am keeping you in my thoughts as I know you're going through a hard time! Hope you get things figured out.. :)
P.s. thanks so much for stopping by my blog! We could totally be blog soulmates!
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