the bride wore a dress by noone....

thank you thank you thank you thank you...does not seem to say enough. in a world where i am constantly called tmi this was the one place i just wanted to be happy go lucky and not ...well, be me. but you know what. i am me.and you wonderful ladies cheering me on brought a tear to my eye. i wish the people in my real life thought so highly of me sharing my flaws and imperfections. maybe it's different if you have to live them right along with me? but nontheless, i appreciate you so much more than a simple blog post can ever do justice.

i do love my life, don't get me wrong. this is just the way i imagined it to be (sans the perfect happily ever after) the lovely house, dream job, kids so cute but rotten, and a husband you love and sometimes like. i just have to be okay with what i've got to work with (and to heck with the rest). i know it will all work itself, out cause it always does. it's just the working itself out part...the mistakes and the no's no's, the i can't believe i did that, and the how could i be so stupid. i do have the oh wonderfuls, the how sweet, the never in a million years did i imagine this happening to me. it's just the poopy diapers, not changing the toilet paper rolls and honey i'm pregnant that comes in between all that.

do i tell myself this because secretely i DONT like my life? what is it that i can't be happy with and need to change?

will i ever just be okay with me? will i ever NOT feel the need to change, fix, make better? why can't i just say to myself "this is okay" and i make it even worse by pretending that i do say this to myself. cause in all honesty I DONT ALWAYS LIKE MYSELF. is that normal?

Can you like yourself, just not some of the decisions you make? can you be okay who you are, and not be okay with pieces of your character? nto so many answers but lots of questions. and i just know that you, my friends, will tell me.

to think that this all started by me finally getting around to watching "sex and the city" the movie, for the first time. that show always did it for me forever ago when it was on HBO. I loved it then and adore it now. they just GET it. and i wanna GET it. so badly. but i just feel sometimes that i DON'T get it.

so ladies, i absoulutely love the "i've been there" smiles on your faces right now and the knowledge that you will post lovely and reassuring and encouraging comments that will help me get through this confusing and lonely time for me right now. you are amazing and i have stopped typing ....to say thank you for you. we are a community of strong, intelligent, brave women that has come together for whatever reason. be it friendship,starting out only by reading these personal stories proving you are not alone (or crazy like you thought), to cry and to laugh, to have your heart broken and to be so angry and just vent (cause a computer can not tell you to shut up), it may be sad but i have grown to know (and love) some of you like we have been friends for years.

and i hope we can be friends for years to come...