It is that time again. It's late and I can't help but lie in bed and wonder if you are thinking of me. I can't help but think of you, and wondering where you are and what you are doing? Are you talking to neices and nephews on the phone, neices and nephews i don't know i have. Does my brother or sister get on the phone when the little voices have grown weary of talking to grandma and tell you that yes, they will be there on Sunday for dinner like ususal. Did you finish up the dishes, fold the worn afghan that hangs over the back of the easy chair and put the dogs in the kennel for the night? Did you put on your old flannel robe covering your flowered nightgown cause it gets cold in your house at night. Are you kissing my step-father goodnight and laying your head on your pillow. Did you take even a second to remember the daughter you gave away 31 years ago today?
I know that it is not you, but the idea of you that I am so infatuated with. Not to hurt your feelings, but I do have a mom. I have never been so lacking for a mother figure, so it is hard to explain the why. I think it is the need to find where I came from. To see that two lives came met and for some reason and I came out of that meeting. To look at someone and see my eyes in them, to have that ah-ha that is where my long skinny fingers and love of music came from. I have almost given up finding you so the thought of finding my birth father is not one I have EVER entertained. Most of the time I push that thought of where you are out of my mind because I don't want to deal with WHY i need to find you so badly.But sometimes, like today, on my birthday, I can't help but wonder where you are...and are you wondering where i am?
With many questions left until next time,
Wendy.... but you may remember me as the name you gave me....Stephanie
1 comment:
I never met my dad so I totally relate to this...On a lighter note, Happy Bday.
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