Today is a bittersweet day for me. 5 years ago i sat in a parking lot debating on whether or not to go inside Jose's resteraunt (sp?) or not. There was this boy that had asked me to meet him for drinks and i really did not know what to think of him. Shy and quite i would see him from time to time when he came into the salon where i worked doing massage. He got his hair cut there you see.
But i did go in. We talked and a year later on June 11,2009 i married him. As is usually the case life was really good. We had a lot of people fooled that we had the storybook life (heck, i was even fooled myself) so i really can't tell you why today instead of celebrating my anniversary and looking forward to many great years ahead with this man i am looking ahead to divorce court and custody arrangements.
but i am not crying...(not yet anyway)
i have always been the one that stayed too long, tried so hard it was smothering or just been so dysfunctional that we ended up hating each other. i don't do the right thing (it seems) in love. So i think that it is taking all the courage and maturity i have to start over. i don't see it as a failure but more like a lesson learned. And i have learned alot about myself. Isnt that really all you can hope for from situations like this.
so don't feel sad for me. and don't think i feel sad for myself. although, like i have said many times in the last couple of months. i don't really know how i feel.....
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