it's really not that bad guys

So i realize if you don't know me you might think i am going through a really rough time. and i guess in ways i am, but in more ways than bad it is a light at the end of the tunnel (if that makes any sense) But honestly i don't think it has sunk in yet. i have always been the one that thrives in new beginnings and to me that is what this is. If something is not working i think you have to just try again. and i have always said i am a better me when i am single. marriage is alot of work. and it either works or it doesnt. am i wrong to not want to stay married to a man who does not want to be married to me? i hope not. i know that some will say i am quitting and giving up. but really i have been trying for a year now....a WHOLE YEAR...that's a lot of trying and crying and praying and changing. i just don't have it in me anymore.

so i am just gonna be me. and pray that if that is not enough that he can just go be him. and i can't say that i am heartbroken about that....yet. i have grieved for my marriage for so long that i just can't grieve right now. but when i am all moved out and moved on that might be a different story.

i went to "talk" to my parents about the REAL situation. i have covered up and fibbed about how happy we are and what a great guy he is because i thought it would work iteslf out. They knew i had left a couple of times but they had no idea it was to this point. i don't know if i even knew it to tell you the truth. but right now i just know it is over. i know there is no going back or fixing it.
and to tell you the truth i am tired of begging for it to be fixed only to be ignored and overlooked and pushed aside. it does take two does it not?

so don't be sad for me. you can pray for me that i find peace and acceptance and have the wisdom to make the right choice in a time that is filled with lots of decisions to be made, life lessons to be learned and growth as a human being and a mommy. i am a flawed woman with lots of faults, but i do have 3 reasons to make it okay. to go on and to be better because of it.