Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Day 2 of the rest of my life

So i started the day by waking up late and getting Emory up and ready for school and then taking her to school.....LATE (which is a mortal sin for all good mommies) Of course in my defense, i don't usually take her to school and Dan does (but apparently that has changed, since we are no longer together, he, i guess has decided he is no longer her dad and has no responsilitlies of her) i will have to learn the rules of the new me and my life.

i got through the day by forcing myself not to stay in bed all day. Cause you can't really do that when you have a two year old running around painting his toenails (and your furniture) with your 11 yr olds blue nail polish or stripping himself of his diaper and running around your living room just looking for a spot to pee in.Don't you love parenthood?

i picked up the kids and we did the whole sonic cherry limeade, grilled cheese sandwhich picnic on the trampoline, building forts in the living room fun and then i was pooped and just made them go away......as much as you can make 3 kids go away (which consisted of me getting in the bathtub and hearing them come to the door every 5 seconds and scream MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY) so very relaxing huh!

after the kids faked going to bed ( i am ignoring the giggles) i talked to my sister and brother (which did not help) i don't want to be told it will be okay or why are you letting him kick you out of your house? i just want to pretend it is not really happening.

cause honestly i think i have known for awhile it not working. but i was so caught up in the way we looked and that i had FINALLY made a good decision in my parents eye's that i just overlooked the fact that we have nothing in commmon and have no passion anymore. we had kids.....and that is not enough
but i do grieve for them. not that they know it yet but it will be a whole new ball game soon and i don't know how to be the pitcher. i only know how to catch.

please pray that i find a job soon. and a place to live (that would be nice) and please pray for me to find some peace,,,,,








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1 comment:

AmberW said...

It is hard when we are on in the inside looking out.
You almost feel helpless.
But it gets to that point - that one step that you need to take to begin the rest of your life.
It is a hard step but well worth it. Things AREN'T going to be okay to start. You are going to grieve, you are going to be angry, you are going to feel like a failure - and I think all of those things are normal. It's just putting one foot in front of the other. Doing what is best for you - and doing what is best for your children!!
Hang in there lovely lady! All my prayers being sent your way!