Making memories

So today was another one of those reminders of how our lives have changed so drastically. Kaileigh is 11 yrs. old now. She really had to grow up with me and in a lot of ways I feel like I have let her down. She has never taken dance lessons or gymnastics or been in girl scouts, she has never played a sport other that the year she got to be in t-ball when she was 6 (and that was only because it was here nana’s idea and she paid for it all). I could never bring myself to ask for help paying for that, because I needed help with so many other things, like food and medical bills. For Pete’s sake, my life dream used to be to fill my gas tank up and get a Dr. Pepper at the same time.
So today, I got to walk into Ben Jack’s Music store (with Kaileigh) and let Kaileigh proudly tell the clerk that she wanted to sign up (and pay for) guitar lessons. She saw the guitar that I had given her for her birthday (and I saw the $548 price tag) and was overjoyed. Of course I did not and could not pay that much, but I was not about to tell her that. Her dream is to learn the guitar and be Taylor Swift. And to her being able to take guitar lessons is going to bring her that much closer to her dream. And as a mother I believe with my whole heart that she will be Taylor Swift and so much more. Writing her own songs and singing them and being whatever she wants to be. And if she takes lessons for two weeks and decides she does not want to play the guitar than that is okay. It is about being able to give the option. To be able to persue her dreams and be allowed to fail, or to be able to change her mind. I know that so many kids don’t get the chance do that. And now my kids does.
It did cause a fight when I got home, because my husband does not think that I spend money to get us out of the whole we are in.(which is not that deep and it's not like half of America is not in a whole at one point or another. Life is about the moments and not about whether or not you have tons of money in the bank) And to be truthful I don’t. I spend money according to what I think is going to make a lasting and life changing memory for my children. Like Taylor Swift concerts, or ponies at birthday parties, Disney Vacations and guitar lessons. To me that is what is important and the rest will work itself out. I feel like eventually we will pay our way out of whatever debt we are in, but if we don’t have any good memories for our children to look back on than what is it worth? And if he can’t live with the memories I am trying to make that he needs to just move on and be with someone else. Cause I don’t apologize and I won’t change. I will always be all about my kids and what their childhood is like. I will always put myself in debt to make sure they are spoiled and happy. No question and no regrets.