Ecclesiastes 3:1

Ecclesiastes 3:1
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

Every day I am learning to like not knowing all the answers. I like the fact that each day holds something new and different for me. And if that something is negative or painful, than I can learn from it and move on. I don't have to focus on it or react negatively or feel entitled to be a victim.
I do feel like I wish I could take back some of my not so bright and shining moments and mean spirited, hateful or complaning attitudes. I would treat certain people and situations differently, but I guess I was'nt ready to be that person yet.It pains me to think of the opinion that some people have of me. When I wasnt acting like a true friend, or sister, or daughter. That is a cross I will have to carry knowing that I prob. can't change that. But I will pray about it and who knows, miracles do happen don't they?
One thing I have learned is that I don't have a very high opinion of myself. I always thought that I did, but being loud and obnoxious is not the same thing as being comfortable with yourself and liking who you are. And I will prob. always struggle with that. Hopefully I can forgive myself one day, and be okay with the good things and blessings that I have in my life (and there are plenty) Someday when I say I deserve good things too, I will believe it. And for now, I am okay just knowing that I am a work in progress and that I don't have to be "THAT" girl anymore.
It has taken awhile. And the rides not over yet, in alot of ways I think it has finally just began to get interesting. I know that only I can make this real, and not just a phase. Only I can not let myself get comfortable and fall back into my old web of drama and negativity. Let me remind myself that I cannot live in peace until I live at peace.