and then there were 5

I am really sad to post that we lost one of the puppies last night. Kaileigh really bonded with the runt of the litter which concerned me from the start.He was the smallest one, born half the size of the other 5. He was a gorgous jet black puppy with chocolatey brown paws and mouth and white underbelly. It is just like her to pick the underdog (literally in this case) and believe in happily ever after. I was cautiously optimistic but fearing the worst.
Kaileigh lovingly talked to "her" puppy and held him every chance Bell(mommy) would let her. This is the first time she has been really truly heartbroken over the loss of a pet. She cries when all animals get hurt (art and pets are her passion) but this was HER pet so it was really personal to her. As a mommy there is not much to do except hold her and let her cry in your arms. Which in turn just makes your heart hurt. I did not want to minimize or make her feel that her pain was not sigificant to me so I just held her as she blew her nose all over my favorite comfy pj's. I gotta say, my usually chaotic noisy house was still and silent.Not much fun in our house on this night.
We buried the puppy in a simple grave dug in a spot Kaileigh loves to hang out (behind a row of overgrown bushes next to the side of our house where she can spy on the neighbors and not be seen) I thought it was fitting as a final resting place, as I know kaileigh will feel even more bonded to that patch of bushes.

In less dramatic news, I was just informed of an error on two of the Christmas cards that were in my top 3 to pick from. I have been so busy that I didn't even notice that I left off Emory in 2 of them. So the decision has been made for me. Yeehaw! Wish it was always so easy. The one that is correct is the one I liked most anyway! I was ecstatic that someone (a stranger) pointed it out cause that means SOMEONE IS READING MY BLOG!!! I often wonder if anyone is out there. And I keep posting because I am reminded that someone is. So if you are reading this, thanks! I appreciate that you took the time to stop by!!

I don't know if it is the tightness of my wallet and the reminder of all things holiday that I want to be buying, or the stress of just finishing up a MAJOR event and trying to reconcile all the loose ends, or the feeling of a very dear friendship that just feels so distant that I just feel sad all the time.Lately my prayer on a constant basis these days is to just be happy with what I want and to want what I have. In other words, life is really precious. And to have 4 other lives connected to my life that are so healthy and full already, I can't understand why I feel that I have to fill it up with even more to make myself happy. WHY AM I NOT HAPPY? WHAT POSSIBLY COULD BE MISSING? I think I do know the answer to that but I am struggling right now and don't want to say it out loud so I will just think it to myself and leave that open to interpretation.

Well my friends, it's been a long couple of days and no relief in sight. Keep your fingers crossed I can get back on my Lexapro and level this out cause the wine is no longer working (I am only half kidding as I type that)