stay home snow day (part two)

Okay, so being the glutten for punishment (and frostbite) that i am, i spent the day with the kids (and a few more that were not mine) sledding. Ryan and his brother (Sean) and sister- in- law (Kelli) and both of our sets of three kids (that is SIX total kids) piled in the cars and we headed for a winter wonderland (actually it was a slushy sand packed mess but i can pretend right)
Kaileigh of course was NOT wearing her brand new DC tennis shoes that she begged for and cost way too much money, and Emory did NOT insist on bringing her a cabbage patch doll (which of course Isaiah had to bring one two) throw in that it was naptime and i have a kidney stone. Definately one of those mastercard commercials where it says this plus this equals priceless...

well, so it was not that bad but anyhoo...here are some of what my day included

not sure this is legal, but we made it there eventually                          who needs a sled, just run down the hill

opps! who put that tree there?                                     Ryan "helping" Isaiah                                                        

it's all good now!          very patiently waiting her turn for the sled  tupperware

no, mommy does not do tupperware sleds                           but Emory and Ashton sure do!

yes! it is Arkansas and all, but an air mattress as a sled....come on now!

still not going on the tupperware or air mattress sleds...        Isaiah found a use for the lid...it's a snowball shield

partners in crime (Sarah and Kaileigh)                                 and they did finally get me on a REAL sled...

my handsome little prince..with his cabbage patch doll               a doll of my own.....Ryan and me



So overall the day was fun. Hopefully something the kids can look back on with fondness (cause they are out of school again tommorrow and i will NOT be in such a good memory making mood when it hits around 3pm and they have cabin fever!!!!!)

stay home snow day

it snowed here in Arkansas! The kind of glorious white fluffy stuff that covers my mostly dead grass and makes it all peaceful and pretty. The kind of event that closes school, makes you break out scarves and gloves and snow boots, layer up clothing and set out the hot chocolate ready to be made after a cold day playing

when you really have a million other things to do.

Little man was sooo excited to run after Ree to play in the snow. That is until his jeans got snow in the whole in his knee (after about 5 min) and he said "i cold" he then ran back inside to claim his seat on the back of the couch looking out the front window where he was our number one fan (as long as he could cheer from inside where it is warm) i worry about him sometimes. 

not Ree though! She is the girl that her extremities will get all blue and her scarf will have the ice balls hanging from it. you know, the ones that were snow but melted and then re-froze she has been outside that long. After she was done with her creation (whose eyes include jar lids and whose nose is THE BIGGEST carrot you have ever seen that she dug out of the ground herself) she looked back at it as she was walking inside and replied "well, that is the weirdest snow man I have ever made"

out of the mouths of babes

and of course after all that hard work, and after being cooped up in the house for what seemed like a million years (which it has been according to snowed in days) we went to out to eat. At this particular all you can eat buffet i was informed by Ree that THIS WAS ALL SHE COULD EAT....

and what stay- home- day would be complete with out mommy walking in to HER room after dishes, laundry and picking up "stuff" all ove the house to find two dead weight bodies in her nice big comfy bed?? and of course you cant rouse them (altough i bed if i told them the cookies were done i would see an automatic rise and shine)

i know one thing,,,momma aint sleeping on the twin tonight!!

It is what it is...part i lost count

i have always had the unfortunate lot in life to be the "it's not fair girl" the one that has thing after thing happen to her, always has an excuse and a reason why it's not. my. fault.

it gets tiring, it really does. but i hold on and drag out.and milk it.

i should have been a spanish speaking soap star. would have won whatever their eqivalent to an emmy is. or at least a nod on Perez.com (i really am that good)

so anyway, i am learning to let go. well, scratch that. trying to learn how to let go.

let go.... that i was adopted. its not cause something was wrong with me.i was not abandoned. i was given a great wonderful family that in spite of my drama LOVES me and puts up with me.

let go....that M does not have all the answers. if it's meant to be it'll come out in due time. never really thought i'd find her and in time i did. not on MY time but IN time

let go....that some people will not like me. they dont have to and i cant make them. i am and have done some not so great things and usually the reasons they dont like me are valid. so i will embrace the people that DO like me and stop obsessing over the opinions i cant change.

let go...that i have three kids and that i am not in a traditional family unit. my kids are amazing. they are gorgous and funny and growing up to be so much more than i ever dreamed they would be. they are healthy and they love me (till their teenage years anyway) i am not perfect but who is? all i can do is go day by day and do the best that i can. i have put people in their lives that hopefully will pick up the wholes that i cant fill.

let go...that i dont have enough money,time,or motivation to be supermom. trust me you would not want to eat off my floor i am a horrible cleaner and if you ride in my car something might be growing under your seat, but i know now that i can be a really good mom who loves her kids (and herself) and i can be okay with that.

let go...of my past. enough said.

none of this is a new revelation i can say, but maybe if i say it loud and often where i know it is in my heart will seep out and reside also in my head (or at least that drama queen part of me that starts crap all the time)...

a girl can put it on her to-do list right???

Happy

someone once told me that you have to choose

                                       what you win or lose

                                 you cant have everything

                          dont you take chances you might feel the pain

                                  dont you love in vain, cause love wont set you free

                                     i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by

                                                so unhappy but safe as could be

                                                                           CHORUS

                                                                    so what if it hurts me

                                                                  so what if i break down

                                       so what if this world just throws me off the edge

                                                                my feet run out of ground

                                                                     i gotta find my place

                                                                     i wanna hear my sound

                                                 dont care about other pain infront of me

                                                           cause im just tryna be happy, yea

 

                                                            holding on tightly just cant let it go

                                                                   just tryna play my roll

                                               slowly diasappear, oooh well all these tears

                                                                they feel like theyre the same

                                                      just different faces, different names

                                                                        get me outta here

                                        well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by

                                                           so any turns that i cant see

                                                         ill count a stranger on this road

                                                              but don’t say victim

                                                                dont say anythng

                                                                    CHORUS

                                                              so what if it hurts me

                                                            so what if i break down

                         so what if this world just throws me off the edge

                                                          my feet run out of ground

                                                                i gotta find my place

                                                               i wanna hear my sound

                                                 dont care about all the pain infront of me

                                                           cause im just tryna be happy

                                                                  just wanna be happy

my heart, my humor, my light

for the record...muzak christmas carols SSUCKKK

.........and i only have to listen to the crap for almost a whole month longer!!!!

so call me scrooge..

 but besides my red puffy face that makeup cannot restore to its usual shine now i have a splitting headache and can't stop singing "have a blue christmas" Elvis style... (can you tell i work in retail?)

but you'd think that since i work in a place that caters to builders and contractors why the heck would you play elevator music to begin with. AND THEY DONT EVEN CALL IT MUSIC, ITS MUZAK....

it's horrendous, that's what it is.

but it sure beats the promotional video for the new Paula Dean furniture (yes, she makes furniture) that home decor plays periodically. If i have to hear "hey yall" one more time i may just ...i dont know what i will do but i sure wont be happy doing it.

i am not sure why, but i laughed soo hard when i found out 3 people were actually waiting in line outside the door at 7:30am when we opened. i guess the ad we put out worked. and the #1 selling popular item.....(cue the music) the $59.00 five minute toilet. (my guess is they call it that because it is made so cheaply that it just takes five minutes to clog up.

really guys. this is a home improvement store.

On a uplifting note i got a really cool email from my daily dose of wisdom ala~ Rev. Run. It said...

"you can get anything you want in life if you help enough people get what they want. ~Zigler"

i thought it was really cool cause to me it means that we can all be happy and obtain what we want, if we help each other out. and that even if i am focusing on helping other people more than myself it's okay, because someone else is going to be looking out for me.

i am very excited to have the weekend off. hopefully i can get a storage unit and quickly fill it up with all the junk filling up my house.Desperately need to go by the library to pay my fine and find some good books to read (it's been awhile since i read and i am hoping i still know how to), grocery shopping can be squeezed in but then i need to paint my kitchen and put Kaileighs bed together, throw in 5 dog baths,three kid showers,an overhaul of the playroom and some snuggle time with Ryan and i wont have much of a weekend off now will I?

this blog temporarily taken over by hormones

Pardon the interruption yesterday.....my blog was taken over temporarily by hormones.
All technical difficulties have been cried out and we will now return to your regularly scheduled posting.....

Don't mess with Texas....or so they say

today has been bittersweet for me.

i was supposed to be in Texas tonight. Meeting my family, basking in the compliments about how much i look like my mom and my sisters (one of them there that i have not met yet) you dont know how hard its been not to jump in my car and just show up and say suuuprriissseee.....                                                                                                                                       
but i am here.in Arkansas and they are there. in Texas.. not really sure now what the heck happened. i know that it all happened so fast. and that i freaked out and over-analyzed EVERYTHING. some things got said, and i did not know how to process. and instead of giving me time to just get over it and figure out a way to just be .....i got pressured to give more than i could give. and then it came to the kids birthdays and i didnt hear from them and i got upset. i just remembered all the birthdays i did not know them and did not hear from them and i blamed her. i did. maybe i still do..... so i closed up and it snowballed. till there was nothing left. nothing. she told me to leave "''Her"""""" family alone. and i just want to scream my sister JaLana made the comment one time that the twins have every right to feel entitled and protective of her. that that is their mother so i just should take it and not get offended if they say things to that effect.                          i say that is a crock of crap. we came from the same place and she is just as much MY mom as she is their mom. The only difference is that she did not want me. plain and brutal simple truth. i dont really care what the nicey nicey folks have to say about a mom being the one that raises you and all of that. I felt this connection to her from the start, i saw myself in her. and now she is gone. again.      FOR 31 YEARS I felt that my mom did not want me. I am not going to display everything that she told me because i have learned that sometimes you dont have to say it all for it to be there. it just is. but some of the things she told me i dont know how to deal with. it hurts. and honestly this is the first time i have talked about this. with ANYONE other than my counselor. so excuse me if i ramble and rant and cry and dont make much sense. i dont know how to make sense of this. all i feel is the loss and the rejection and confusion of not knowing how the hell i feel....................Happy Thanksgiving Wendy

my grown up christmas wish list

Being an OCD-ish personality type is sometimes exasperating. I can't concentrate...

(not in school,or church, or even at a parent teacher conference in which my 7 yr old's teacher is explaining why it is not acceptable for my daughter to tell her if she doesnt change her tone of voice THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE ISSUES)

.....so i make lists

grocery lists,to do lists,things i need to buy for my new house in order of what room they will go in,clothes my kids need,goals for this week- next week- five years,
songs i want to download, people i need to apologize to (i know right),dates to add to my calender, really random quotes and sayings and books, all the un-necessary things that clutter up my mind preventing me from dealing with all the things i NEED to be thinking about.

this being one of those times i decided to go ahead and make my christmas wish list now
let my lusting begin

YANKEE CANDLES (no flowers,fruit or anything that will make my three year old -or dogs- want to eat it)



TANO BAG AND HOBO CLUTCH (cause you can't have one without the other)





NECKLACE WITH ALL THREE OF MY KIDS NAMES ON IT

62" BIG SCREEN (gave ours to the ex and did'nt think i'd miss it BUT I DO...SNIFF SNIFF)

oh yeah, and a partidge in a pear tree

it's gonna be okay

Last night i had no kids. and i felt like a no-good,horrible,terrible parent...until that is, my boyfriend asked me to go see New Moon...

(okay, so we were out getting something to eat and about to go to WAl-Mart and i might have suggested it and he might have agreed)

but he wanted to ask me to go first i just didnt give him enough time to suggest it.

anyhoo, we went. and the fact that the movie started at 9:05 and we did not leave the theater until 11:30 was not relevant.....I GOT TO SEE BELLA AND EDWARD AGAIN...

sigh.....

and yes, it did not take my breath away like the first one.
and yes, i dont know that i will wake up and fall asleep with the movie on repeat while reading the book listening to the soundtrack on my ipod.

but I GOT TO SEE BELLA AND EDWARD AGAIN.

i think it is the intensity and hopefullness that i am so infatuated with.

that and how hard i laughed when Jacob takes his shirt off and the LOUD thunderous gasp from all the teenage (and not so teenage) girls (and boys) in the audience made the movie just what the doctor ordered..

today it's back to work and back to the chaos of 3 kids and 5 dogs (yes i said 5) my dog procreates more than the Duggars.well, maybe not more...yet.

i am kind of sad this week leading up to Thanksgiving. i will be celebrating with mixed feelings. not really looking forward to it actually but i am determined to be in good spirits and a thankful and grateful heart. i should be in Texas.

i havent really spoke about any of that. and i really dont think this is the place. just know i am sad and melancholy and empty. but blessed still the same.

why? because someone said so....

why is damnit spelled damnit? Mr. Webster, it should be spelled like it sounds so as to be less confusing for folks like me .it's not pronounced damn-nit, is it?

why is there always ONE whopper that is not quite a "whopper"? i mean, the rest of the batch is not that way. but it never fails, i start to bite in to one, expecting that crunch and then i get to suck on the malt till it just tingly melts into my mouth. that hollow crunchless unmeltable malted milk ball just ruins the whole thing.

(now this one will prob. make no sense to you unless you watch UFC...which i doubt you do) but why does Joe Rogan say "One the button" everytime someone gets knocked out. it's horrendous and to me, is worse than hearing nails scratching across a blackboard...or my kids playing that little flute-a-phone thing......i know, random right!

why is it that people say "I'm just saying" of course you are just saying it. you just said it did'nt you? does saying "I'm just saying" make it more valid that you said it.

what is up with Bath & Body Works and.EVERY.good scent i fall in love with it and get mucho compliments on, i accidentally run out and frantically rush to my nearest mall (which is no small or quick feat for me with 3 kids and zero time) only to have my spirit crushed by some blonde with a voice only her mother could enjoy "i'm sorry, that scent has been discontinued".....what a tease.pfmphhh

where did they come up with the name Blackberry for a phone?

i really do have lots to do besides think up random things that have no purpose taking up this much space in my head....i promise......

just run with it Wendy

So yes, i am a dork! Have i told you that before? I own it and admit it without shame or thoughts of changing it anytime soon. When i was younger i tried to be cool, now i am just too busy and exhausted to even pretend.

what made me remind myself of that today, was when i rolled out of bed (well, not out...but i opened my eyes anyway) and heard the "duh-dong" of my blackberry reminding me that i have unchecked emails (and i thought this thing was going to make life easier, instead it constantly reminds me of all the things i have not done yet) so of course i have to check it. i am relieved that it is not a bath and body works, new york and company, or huggies ad, I AM SO SICK OF THEM. but i am afraid i will miss something so i wont unsubscribe.

yes, i am a dork

so i look and it is my words of wisdom for the day. If any of you have seen Run's House, which i love by the way, who needs to Cosby's, Bundy's or the Simpson's when you have the Simmons family. In every show ending he was sitting in the bubble bath with his smart phone typing a message. He calls them Rev Run's words of wisdom. AND I FOUND THE PLACE TO GET THEM...teeheehee. i warned you.

so every morning i am greeted by some tidbit that is witty, yet easily applied to my day to day.todays is especially nifty.

Daily Word
Put on a Happy Face
"of all the things you wear today. your attitude is the most important."

i had to stop and take a second and really reflect on that one. i am going to make an effort today (baby steps) to have a great attitude. hey...i did say TRY

are you there calgon, it's me, Wendy

whew....glad the weekend is over.

yes, i said it. I AM GLAD THE WEEKEND IS OVER.

We had some friends over Saturday night, and while i was moved to tears that one of them brought me a black wooden cutout of a rooster that i have NO idea where i am going to proudly display, it was still an exhausting 3 days.

Before the rooster bringing friend came over, i worked that morning (which i do twice a month) and while i enjoy the witty banter and stimulating conversation NOT about scooby doo and little pet shop, it is tiring.

not that i have time off on my time off. what with remodeling my house and writing a paper on Anti-communism and McCarthyism for my history class. Then there is the extreme room makeover Ryan and I gave the playroom. Throw in dropping off Kaileigh for a camping trip and picking Emory up from her first sleepover......... i would say that i am exhausted from just typing all that out but i have used that zinger before...

so let me just wrap up my post by saying words few have spoken (at least to me)

I AM SO GLAD IT'S MONDAY :)

employment not enjoyment

okay now,

i do not subscribe to the theory that you cannot and should not enjoy your job. quite the contrary i think you should not stay at a job you are not in love with. and i truly do LOVE my job......but i would love it a lot more if i could have time to blog.

all those smokers get an allotted time to go outside and inhale sticks of life shortening paper, why can't i have a "blog break"? i mean, ten minutes a day would improve my work performance and demeaner tremendously.

i wonder if i fill out the suggestions for improvement on one of the comment cards up front if management will go for it????

I got tired just writing this post

I saw this really neat idea and took it.....i disabled my comments.

i just don't want them. am sick of SOME of them. and just need a break and try to figure out some way to get back to me. to the joy of blogging, of sometimes sharing too much, of not being afraid to tell it and thus ignoring my blog.

it's lonely having to go it all alone. i once blogged so freely and openly and honestly. now i hide my head in the sand and plead whoa is me. I am afraid to check my facebook and myspace
AFRAID I SAY......what a wus i have become!!!

so now i want to get back to the sheer joy of blogging. of writing about MY life and doing it MY way. messing up and starting over each day counting my blessings and forgiving myself my faultss. LIfe is truly great right now.

where to begin? This weekend was pumpkin patch/Halloween costume time. Of course they screamed and ran around the pumpkin patch. Kaileigh tried to play punch the blow up crazy pumpkin, Isaiah was uncontrollable and Emory cried because we would not give her the FULLY LOADED wagon and she had to settle for the empty EXACTLY IDENTICAL wagon...we got the dang pumpkins though........and i went to pay $32 FOR SOME PUMPKINS???!!!?

are you kidding me? Don't they sell them at Wal-mart for like $3 a pumpkin? and why is that not as cool as the pumpkin patch?

ugh! the joys of being a single mom

So after the pumpkin fiasco we headed home. I broke out Isaiah's Scooby Doo costume and he wore it alllllllnight..... wonder how i am going to keep that clean for 5 more days. He sure is cute though.

Taco salad was a hit and before i knew it, it was benedryl, eer, bedtime.

now i can do 5 loads of laundry and write a 7 page paper, set out tommorrow's school clothes and take a shower...and then go to bed myself.

Not me Monday...the whiney edition

although i did have a grreeat weekend for the most part, i decided to do today's post a little differently. hopefully, i can air my grievances and then move the heck on with today....so here goes.

Once again, the whole idea is to kindof do a backwards post.....

This weekend i DID NOT finally tell off my soon to be ex-husband. After the ten text messages and five phone calls i said enough. i have been taking the approach of less is more. that silence is more powerful than my sharp words but come on. he is under the misconception that after 8 looonnnnggg months i am moving on too soon. and that my facebook,myspace, and blog writing is only meant to embaress him and his family (half of whom i have never met)
so....being the good blogger, what did i do? i blogged about it.

which leads me to this.....after reading said blog i DID NOT get two more very uneccesary and kindof offensive messages which i DID NOT ignore......well, after i read the first one i deleted without reading the second one. can't win for trying. Thought i was being pro-active and putting an end to a very stressful and frustrating situation but alas,

Today i DID NOT call my counselor and schedule an appointment. She is gonna love this new twist of an already delightful situation. She tells me all the time to feel the burn (she is under the impression that i am not dealing with my problems but rather trying to find something to numb what i feel).....hmmmm. now there is a thought.

This weekend is NOT UFC 104 and i am NOT going to spend some much needed fight night time with one of my besties :) very excited thank you very much.

oh wait, that was not whiney. i ran out of things to complain about. Now that i am done i think i will go and have myself a GREAT Monday..........

Not me Monday

It's time to revisit Not me Monday....a good ol post that i was quite loyal to (until i fell in love with Friend Makin Mondays)

the concept is simple... like backwards day....things that make you say "no, not me" (wink wink,nudge nudge) if I could start the day over, this list is how my day DID NOT GO.....


Today i DID NOT wake up late, miss breakfast and have to endure Miley Cyrus (loudly accompanied by Emory and Isaiah) singing "Party in the USA" three times

Today i DID NOT forget to put on deoderant.......and i DID NOT do the secret armpit smell check randomly all day.....

Today i DID NOT lose my phone, and i really really DID NOT miss it one bit....

Today i DID NOT let the rug right at the front door of my store where i work get caught in the door and then not only DID I NOT fix it....but i DID NOT crack up watching people almost trip..i know right...why is that so funny to me??

Speaking of things i DID NOT do at work.....i most definately DID NOT take the little flashlight with the red laser on it and shine it on peoples forehead,chest and rear end.....and i was hiding so noone knew where it was coming from :)

Today i DID NOT forget that i was going to drink more water...well, maybe i did do that one. :)

Friend Makin Mondays

This week the topic is

List of things you cannot live without.........

well, straying from the obvious (i.e. air,food,water,my kids and general hospital) i am going to try to list things out of the norm.......here goes

1.)YANKEE CANDLES


2.)80'S HAIR BANDS



3.)CARMEX



4.)MY TRAMPOLINE


5.)CRYING



6.)SWEATERS


7.)TETRIS


8.)CRAB MEAT WITH LOTS OF HOT BUTTER


9.)MY IPOD


10.)DID I SAY I AM OBSESSED WITH "GENERAL HOSPITAL" YET?

things your kids will never say to you.....

m ommy.......

~I THINK I WILL TURN OFF THE TV AND GO CLEAN MY ROOM

~OH MY GRACIOUS, IS IT 8:15 ALREADY? I SHOULD GO LAY OUT MY CLOTHES FOR TOMMORROW AND GET TO BED

~(PRETEND YOU SEE THREE BODIES, JUMPING OUT OF BED, ALL SMILES) GOODMORNING! WE ARE SO EAGER TO GET OUT OF BED AND ARE SO VERY THANKFUL YOU HAVE MADE US BREAKFAST

~MOMMY, BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS WRONG TO HIT MY THREE YEAR OLD BROTHER, I AM USING THE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS YOU HAVE INSTILLED IN ME TO LET YOU KNOW THAT HE IS USING THE PLASTIC SWORD YOU GOT HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY TO HIT ME UPSIDE MY HEAD. I WILL NOT RETALIATE BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL BRING HIM HIS DUE PUNISHMENT...AND HE WILL OBEY YOU AND STOP HITTING ME AND MY SISTER.THANK YOU MOMMY

~I LIKE IT WHEN YOU THROW MY OLD TOILET PAPER ROLLS AND PAPER PLATES AND TAGS FROM NEW CLOTHES IN THE TRASH, EVEN THOUGH I WAS SAVING THEM FOR AN ART PROJECT THAT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO STARTING, I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY ROOM IS A TRASH PIT AND I AM THANKFUL YOU CLEANED IT, EVEN AFTER THE TEN TIMES YOU TOLD ME TO CLEAN IT.

~I KNOW YOU ARE WORKING ON YOUR HOMEWORK SO I WILL LET YOU DO THAT IN PEACE AND PLAY IN MY ROOM, OR THE BACKYARD, OR OUR PLAYROOM AND NOT IN YOUR ROOM.



So there you have it. A list of what I will not hear from my kids...

Reasons..

This post is going to be called "reasons", cause so many times i am asked to explain myself....which for the most part, i don't even know myself.

let the blogging begin.

REASONS.....i laugh at my kids

~Isaiah says words that only us, his family can understand (for ex; booby is movie, and riber is river-which he calls every puddle of patch of water he sees)
~Emory me if i am jealous of her brown skin because i have to paint mine on (spray tan)
~Kaileigh telling me i am like Madea, but my boobs don't hang quite that low yet...
GOTTA LOVE MOMMYHOOD HUH


REASONS.....I DON'T own a gun

~drop off/pick up times for school. dang school parents are the WORST drivers (myself not included)
~Joe Rogan or FlavorFlav on my television
~the neighbors dogs,or chickens, or donkeys...take your pick


REASONS......i think i have a personality disorder

~i eat my skittles,m&m's,or reeces pieces by twos and they have to be the same color or i throw them out the window
~i wear colored hair
~i love UFC


REASONS....i love VH1
~Charm School
~any of the xxxxinsert namexx of love shows
~ Behind the music...cause i am nosey like that :)


REASONS....i still believe in love

~Meredith and Mcdreamy
~Sam and Jason
~Peyton and Lucas


i would have a couple more reasons for you, but it is 5:20pm...time for the long drive home.and kid pick up,dinner,bathtime(hopefully for the kids AND me),homework,bedtime.
and tommorrow i get to get up and do it all over again....

humpday recap....

Let's see...where to begin?

hmmmm....okay. work.

i truly LOVE my job. really long hours (when you spend most of your waking hours somewhere NOT with your kids you start to feel guilty)so i do have to remind myself that it is for them and i am not a bad mommy for having to work full time. This is the first year i am not the homeroom mom for both the girls. and Isaiah's birthday party is coming up and this is the first time IN 12 YEARS AND TWO KIDS.... i did not hand make the invites.(please do not take away my parent card,i just did not have time) so yeah. already the party is a failure.....

back to work.i do love it. who would not love being a.)the new single girl that does not have a chest that hangs down to her knees (at least that they can see)and b.) one of FOUR girls working in a home improvement store....
YES,I AM LOVING WORK....at least as long as i can play the new girl card...
tommorrow is sushi thursday. love me some sushi so this should be interesting...:)


now on to school...
Loving that too. I am almost done with my second class and have a 97% at this point.so it is safe to say i am going to do well. It is a writing class which i can bs my way through so i am not worried and will not until i get to the math classes which is class 9....check back then and i may hate it by then. mostly i am so happy to be doing something productive with my life that i just love it all. stress and homework included..

my kids...
are good.Kaileigh is trying to be a teenager. and i am trying to hold her back...she has a facebook now (which i stalk obsessively)and is on the phone ALL THE TIME... i just want her to be a kid as long as she can, is that so horrible of me. she has so long to be grown..
Emory is good. thriving in school and goes to the boys and girls club afterschool (which she loves) so not much to report as far as she goes(which is great,cause she is my prison or president kid...it could go either way with that one)
Isaiah turns 3 in 3 days. sniff sniff. not sure how i am thinking about that one.he is my baby after all and I just dont know if i want to think of him as a THREE YEAR OLD. he did start preschool(you have to be 3 to go there. No babies, and they are serious about being SCHOOL)which he loves. He thinks he is such the big boy, just like his two sissies.....very cute.sniff sniff
i am sure i will have lots of pics soon of the big 3

I could spill many secrets on the love life,but Jan always preached the power of a lady so i will keep those to myself. Let's just say in true Wendy fashion it is drama filled and when i can i will update.
until then. i need to finsih some laundry..and a paper or three, so i need to go.

Love you mom...and think of you daily.....:)

Survey says

Now I Know My ABC's

TAKE THIS SURVEY!

Take this survey

A - Age:
31....old my daughter says
B - Bed size:
king..wish i was there now
C - Chinese Food Dish:
house fried rice MONG DYNASTY
D - Dentist name:
Dr. Watts
E - Early Bird or Night Owl?
with this schedule. early bird
F - Favorite color:
purple
G - Gold or Silver:
white gold
H - Height:
5'7
I - Ink as in tatto's you have:
two..going on 5
J - Job title:
Mommy
K - Kitchen Meal or Restaurant?
Kitchen
L - Living arrangements:
me and my babies
M - Month of birth:
February
N - Nicknames:
Breezy and Wen
O - On time or late:
always late
P - Pet Peeve:
rude kids and stupid girls
Q - Quote from a movie:
"all i have to do is stay black and die" ~Lean on me
R - Right or left handed:
depends on what i am doing
S - Siblings:
lately they are coming out of the woodwork :) 3 sisters, 1 brother
T - Time you wake up:
too early
U - Urgent thing on your to do list:
go to the bathroom
V - Vegetable you dislike:
peas..gross
W - Wishing for:
my first paycheck :)
X - X-rays you've had:
with 15 kidney stones and 3 kids. too many to count
Y - Yummy food you make:
meatloaf, pork chops, 4 layer potatos, green bean bundles
Z - Zoo Favorite:
reptiles

CLICK'>http://www.surveydumpster.com/takesurvey.php?id=961">CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

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opppsss

okay, so i had a post all typed and ready to post and for some reason all it said was
Is is Monday???

man is that the truth. so the whole long post i spent so much time on...is gone. and i am so stinking tired that i can not redo it right now. i will fix it...i promise.

until then, i love you mom :) i know i know, i am killing you with the non-computer activity but this work and school and baby thing is killing me. catch up is coming but until then i love you lots and think about you every day

is it Monday???

Friend Making Mondays

i always plan to do other posts during the week, but somehow this is the only post i do on a regular basis...hmmmmm..... i just can't help it. i love it. so here is my FRIEND MAKING MONDAY POST......

Kelsey @ ALL THAT IS GOOD is just getting back from vacay so someone else is hosting. but this week is a good one; and it is on my FAVORITE subject....fall. i truly do love fall more than any other time other than Christmas. and this year i have more reasons to look forward to it, CAUSE I GET TO MEET MY FAMILY... long story short. i am adopted and have just recently been reunited with my family. i will meet some of my family for the first time on Thanksgiving. yes, deep i know. check my previous posts for the whole story. as my mom and I agree, we need to write a screenplay for a lifetime movie...until then, you get my blog..... :)

What are some of your favorite things about fall?

this has got to be my most favorite time of year. From the candle scents to the outdoor colors i just love it all. sweaters and crisp air.....i just love it!!!


here is my list...

UGH.....ME AND YANKEE CANDLES...LONG STANDING LOVE AFFAIR


AND I DOOOOO LOVE THE LEAVES IN ALL THEIR PRETTY COLORS OF ORANGES AND REDS AND BROWNS


FAMILY TIME AT THE PUMPKIN PATCH...THE SCHOOL CARNIVALS AND HALLOWEEN AND CARVING PUMPKINS...ALL THOSE THINGS WE GET TO DO THAT MAKE MEMORIES...THAT IS SO SPECIAL TO ME.

CRISP AIR. THE KIND WHERE YOUR WINDOW IS DOWN AND YOU DONT HAVE TO RUN THE AC. WHEN YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN AND YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR LUNGS.

THIS YEAR. THIS FALL, I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR. I WILL GET TO SPEND IT WITH MY MOM. THE MOM THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME. AND THE SISTERS I ADORE.....I AM VERY BLESSED AND VERY EXCITED FOR US ALL TO BE TOGETHER....SO THIS FALL WILL BE VERY SPECIAL....

okay mom......i get it. :)

so as my mom has reminded me repeatedly it's no longer Friend Making Monday (although, in all reality i am writing this so late it is in fact Monday) but anyways, let's see if i can make some sort of sense of the screaming mess in my head.

it's been nuts to say the least. and so much is about to be changing in my life (hopefully for the better) i should have been trying to remember to breathe and enjoy the down time.

but i don't do down time very well.

i start a new job on Tuesday. a real job. i am going to work for a local home improvement store as a inside sales assistant buyer for the lighting department. basically my desk is in the middle of the store and i take the orders for the outside sales guys (like when they go to a contractor office or job site) and i will handle all the inside orders as well. i am excited. very out of the norm for me. never been in construction or anything like that but the money is good and i love home decor so it should be a fun job for me.
still in school and still loving every second of it. i am finding it is something i am good at and it is building my self esteem and sense of self worth up. good things...

on the love front. not really sure what is up with that. if Dan had his way we would be back together....i just don't know though. i am not going to take any of this for granted. i am not going to let myself get back in a rut and unhappy again. i just can't.
so i just go day by day and just live as though "it is what it is" and hopefully the rest will work itself out. i really liked the guy i refer to as silly boy. he, on the other hand, liked to sleep around. and i am just too old for that. so as hard as it is i just had to walk away from that one. i did have this thought though that i will share now.

So i don't know if you picked this up or not, but lately it has been one thing after another for me.

lose my job,lose my husband,lose my house,lose my mind, become a raging alcoholic,decide maybe i am not an alcoholic i just have issues so i check into detox,
oh wait, i missed the DWI-finding my birth family and major drama with my adopted family, find mr. perfect and he decides to be just mr.perfect right now, start back to college,get a full time job. and my ex wants to get back together....and did i mention that i have 3 kids?and that is all in the span of 4 MONTHS!

Needless to say, i have no idea what i want. well, let me take that back. i do want peace, to keep on lauging at myself and life, and fun. and to be able to balance my time as Wendy and my time as mommy.

maybe the correct statement should be i dont know what i want for my heart. but what the hell, that has gotten me in so much chaos maybe what i want for my heart is to just want me. to be in love with myself (i know if you look that up on wikipedia that would say conceited by it) but really. it's not like you NEED a man. They do make batteries that run these nifty little gadgets that make men almost obsolete this days.....just sayin.

i started this idea when mr. perfect silly boy asked me if we could be good friends.( i know, ouch right) this is a good idea in thought but not very practical.

it is a phrase used by someone who wants out of a relationship (or in our case a non-relationship).

falling in love carries us beyond our customary limits of self expression and puts us into territory that puts our sense of self at risk. it's like you are putting your heart in the hands of someone else for safekeeping and that kind of interdependance on someone else is a devestating experience.

Of course you will have feelings of being less of yourself. because you feel like some part of you is missing.
Rational thinking? maybe not. but nonetheless the heart just wants what it wants. it does not have to make sense.

for me, grieving is a gradual process. Trying to find someway to extract the "I" from the vanishing "we".
grieving provides a way-the only way- for me to retrieve what i have invested in someone. Even if that time was long in length or wide in expectations.
all love stories end-even those that last a lifetime.

now don't get me wrong. i am an optimist and a romantic (just look, i have held out for two years that Sam and Jason on General Hospital will get back together and last week they did it) oh happy day :)

what my point is to all of this rambling. what i have so clearly seen these past couple of weeks is not that i should be sad, or feel like an idiot for caring about someone who can't care about me (or doesnt want to care) it is that there is more to gain than just surviving the break-up (which we all do. breaking up does not kill you) there is this possibility of becoming more than you were, more able to understand and undertake the experience of love in all of its sadness as well as joy.

so you see, i guess the best way to describe how i am feeling right now is that i am a work in progress. some days are better than others and i am just doing the best i can......