Friday, January 29, 2010

It is what it is...part i lost count

i have always had the unfortunate lot in life to be the "it's not fair girl" the one that has thing after thing happen to her, always has an excuse and a reason why it's not. my. fault.

it gets tiring, it really does. but i hold on and drag out.and milk it.

i should have been a spanish speaking soap star. would have won whatever their eqivalent to an emmy is. or at least a nod on Perez.com (i really am that good)

so anyway, i am learning to let go. well, scratch that. trying to learn how to let go.

let go.... that i was adopted. its not cause something was wrong with me.i was not abandoned. i was given a great wonderful family that in spite of my drama LOVES me and puts up with me.

let go....that M does not have all the answers. if it's meant to be it'll come out in due time. never really thought i'd find her and in time i did. not on MY time but IN time

let go....that some people will not like me. they dont have to and i cant make them. i am and have done some not so great things and usually the reasons they dont like me are valid. so i will embrace the people that DO like me and stop obsessing over the opinions i cant change.

let go...that i have three kids and that i am not in a traditional family unit. my kids are amazing. they are gorgous and funny and growing up to be so much more than i ever dreamed they would be. they are healthy and they love me (till their teenage years anyway) i am not perfect but who is? all i can do is go day by day and do the best that i can. i have put people in their lives that hopefully will pick up the wholes that i cant fill.

let go...that i dont have enough money,time,or motivation to be supermom. trust me you would not want to eat off my floor i am a horrible cleaner and if you ride in my car something might be growing under your seat, but i know now that i can be a really good mom who loves her kids (and herself) and i can be okay with that.

let go...of my past. enough said.

none of this is a new revelation i can say, but maybe if i say it loud and often where i know it is in my heart will seep out and reside also in my head (or at least that drama queen part of me that starts crap all the time)...

a girl can put it on her to-do list right???



Happy

someone once told me that you have to choose
                                       what you win or lose
                                 you cant have everything
                          dont you take chances you might feel the pain
                                  dont you love in vain, cause love wont set you free
                                     i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
                                                so unhappy but safe as could be



                                                                           CHORUS

                                                                    so what if it hurts me

                                                                  so what if i break down

                                       so what if this world just throws me off the edge

                                                                my feet run out of ground

                                                                     i gotta find my place

                                                                     i wanna hear my sound

                                                 dont care about other pain infront of me

                                                           cause im just tryna be happy, yea

 



                                                            holding on tightly just cant let it go
                                                                   just tryna play my roll
                                               slowly diasappear, oooh well all these tears
                                                                they feel like theyre the same
                                                      just different faces, different names
                                                                        get me outta here
                                        well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by


                                                           so any turns that i cant see
                                                         ill count a stranger on this road
                                                              but don’t say victim
                                                                dont say anythng



                                                                    CHORUS

                                                              so what if it hurts me

                                                            so what if i break down

                         so what if this world just throws me off the edge

                                                          my feet run out of ground

                                                                i gotta find my place

                                                               i wanna hear my sound

                                                 dont care about all the pain infront of me

                                                           cause im just tryna be happy

                                                                  just wanna be happy



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