My Search Angel

If I could be described by 3 letters according to my husband my initials would be TMI. I don't have that thing in my that can just shut up. I think talking is theraputic and if someone does not want to hear me they can just tell me to stop talking (otherwise they must want to hear what I have to say in my opinion.)
Recently I have been intrigued and obsessed by my new friend who I will just call my search angel from now on. She contacted me about an old posting on an adoption website that I had actually forgotten I had posted. She had some information about where I was born (Sellers) and she had some questions about the information I listed on the site. I went through many emotions after talking to her that first time. From maybe it's Maureen pretending to be someone else to what if she is going to tell me she knows Maureen but that I have to pay her money to get that information (not that I would ever give someone money like that). But I was hooked so I kept responding to her emails and then I found myself asking (and wanting to know) about her. For no other reason than she likes to help people does she do this. And she is helping me search. She is my search angel .
I had gotten to a point that I pretty much accepted that I would never find Maureen. I was okay with that, although every birthday and holiday and sometimes for no reason at all I write letters to the birthmom I have never known. Silly I know, but in doing so I have convinced myself that someday I will still find her and she will have proof that I did think of her.
My mom Jan says she is supportive, but can she be? Can you be a mom and know that there are things in your childs life that have nothing to do with you? I am making a mental note to myself that someday my kids just may have feelings and emotions that do not revolve around me and not to take that personal (and for the record i have just been let down......
to realize this life truth. I guess I just thought that my kids always think of me and make decisions based on me like I do for them, but I don't do that for my mom so why would my kids do that for their mom? As a mom that is a depressing thought but that's another blog)
Anyway, hopefully I get some kind of answers to all this mess that has gone on since I was a kid watching the miss america pagent and wondering if miss louisiana was my mom (silly i know but i was 5) I am thankful for Anne and her ability to lead me in the right direction and listen when i go off on my own detours. Guess we will see where this journey leads me.