Today marks the one year anniversary of the day we lost our friend Anne Marie.
I can never talk about her without saying "we" because it's not just MY friend that I lost. So many people loved Anne ( don't get me wrong, so many were intimidated by her but thats just because they didnt know her) if you knew her, you loved her! and we feel it daily and deeply.....
Through out this process of going nuts/ moving home/ finding me (or rather, being okay with the me that is true and authentic) I just never imagined that it would have to come at the expense of one of my friends lives. Why can't people (people being me) learn lessons on their own? Why does it take a catastrophe or horrible event to drill into your thought process the need to reflect and redirect your focus?
That is typically how I work. I go and go and live and live and then one day it dawns on me I have been missing something. In this case I was missing the fulfillment and fullness that comes from having a close group of girl friends that accept and push me to be the person I want to be. Coming home has allowed me to reconnect with that. I just hate that she is not here for me to say I am sorry to. I was so caught up in myself and my life that I wasnt there for her when she needed me the most. I know I can't dwell on couldve shouldve wouldve but the fact that I failed her in ways I cant make up with haunt me till I die. just being honest.
I think that so many times we get caught up in living. in jobs and in wanting to give our kids a good life that we forget to give ourselves a good life. To revel and rejoice in the laughter and silliness of a good time with great hearts. To hug and smile and take pictures of moments you will never get back. To balance out those tball games and parent conferences with late night swims and drinks on the patio...it's okay to pretend your 17 every now and then, cause let's face it. we never will be again.
. I will honor my friends (past, present and future) in that way. Those were some of the best days of my life, and from time to time I have days that rate right up there still and I am a very blessed girl because of it...
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