from drunk girl to detox...

There will be some who question why i post this. i believe that the writer does not choose what to write, that she writes what is given her to write.
so this is what i had slapped in my face recently.

As i posted i had so much going on this past weekend. party or two, a date with a new boy that seemed NOT to be sometimey, seeing my mom (Jan) on her bday and a slumber party with Elaine. Truly a busy fun weekend.

cue the danger music… dun dun dun........detox was not in the plan. by any means. on any level.

so imagine the sheer terror when i found myself making plans to go. Really started as this way to humor my dad but the more humoring I did the more sense it made and the more I could not talk myself out of needing to go. And then me Thinking I would have time to plan, alcohol to drink, tears to cry, um....doesnt work that way.
well, the time to plan part.

Susie told me to be at NAME HAS BEEN OMITED IN CASE SOMEONE READS THIS THAT WORKS THERE AND I HAVE TO GO BACK….at 3pm (and it was 12:45) so I did what you do when you are fixing to go to alcohol treatment. You buy a liter of R&R and drink yourself unappropriate. Dan (my husband) came home to me having a panic attack ( i was at his house at the time since he was gonna be the one to take me) what the heck was i thinking? What if they would not let me leave? Would anyone remember me? Okay, so it was just a few days but IT WAS REHAB!!! AT A PLACE THAT USED TO HAVE THE WORD BATES IN THE TITLE.....

I really don't remember much of intake. i was led to room two (remember being so thankful to the orderly for giving me my special favorite number room so that must mean i was going to have lots of fun)......sure lady

had my bag searched and she took my wallet...but GASP....she left my phone. So of course i proceeded to pretend i needed to take a nap, curled up on my nasty bed and made a phone call.
(sidenote: i do not remember this but said person on the other end of the phone said i was quite mean to the young lady that saw me on my phone and told on me. i do know i called her a name that has skank at the beginning and something else in it not too Christian of me to post online so I will let you fill in the blanks… and she left shortly after that) already starting out good huh!

Then i heard those words that all unstable people loves to hear...time for meds. i would hear those words many times of the next few days.

days blur together and I don’t ever really remembering what day it was or really what time it was. I do remember asking what time it was only to be told not time for meds yet….um, are we seeing a pattern here? there is not a whole lot to do in detox but write in my journal (and since i was doped up that will prob never see the light of my blog), read 1985 Good Housekeeping, smoke breaks every 45 min (and i dont smoke) and oh yes, med times.
I really did this for 3 days. i can remember just laying there and crying. Staring at the peeling paint (and who the hell came up with the color Insane asylum white, they need to be poked with a hot flat iron in parts that will drive them as crazy as this paint job made me…





Anhoo, back to my sob story. Chow time, as it is called, sucked. That is all I can say. One day we had what tasted like spam that they molded to look like a hamburger and added a little soy sauce for coloring with chocolate pudding that you had to scrape the skin off of it to eat. Stop laughing, this seriously did suck. Another day we had nachos which I did eat and I seriously could not tell you what I had the rest of the time cause I was that doped up. I will say one of the highlights was smuggled pizza night. Since I am not in AA and who the hell cares if this is anonymous cause I don’t know her last name and I doubt she knows what or how to work a computer is Kathy. Kathy is a hoot. She got out there with me and danced in the rain during a smoke break (which could end up on youtube cause steve was kind of suspect and we were in t-shirts…or I was anyway. Anyhow back to Kathy) she called her husband who she seriously called big D (and his name is Tom so you can imagine what the d stood for) and told him to order us a pizza put it on his credit card and have it delivered to the side door and we would get it. And thank the heavens for big d. he called the pizza man and Stephanie and me snuck out the side door (really secure place huh) and got our pizza. CLAWWWDIA our warden, I mean mental health tech or whatever dumb name she is was TICKED “jew do not go outside of dis unit wifout me!!”


Need I describe CLAWWDIA for you???


So yes, pizza party in rehab. Good times good times.





So day 3. By then you can imagine my enjoyment of the meds had wore off and I was just sick of the peeling paint, sick of being on a diet, of having to walk like a herd of cattle cause we were the “detoxers” and can “fwatanize” as Clawwdia calls it with anyone. I was tired of looking at the phone and being sad because no one called. Just tired of it all. The last straw was Gordon the moron telling me to sign the papers to stay 6 weeks “cause I had really good insurance” and the dang pills…so I signed myself out and made misty come and get me. Didn’t tell anyone, just left.


I will tell you this. I was never happier to talk to my mom, my sister Nicole (that really meant a lot girl),Misty, Syard, and especially you will know who you are. To know that someone does care and that it does matter…mattered. Even hearing my dad’s voice was nice to hear. You just don’t really realize how out of control you are until your 6 year old talks about the store where you get suckers and asks her godmother “do you drink r&r too” and I could tell you a lot worse but then you would stop reading my blog so I will stop at it was time.


I got out that first day and had to sleep the meds off for awhile. A long while! But when I got up I decided to go walk. Since I was at Misty’s in Fayetteville I walked all the way down Zion. I stopped to look at the pond, the huge American flag, smiled at the music and the people sitting on the deck at whatever that Mexican resteraunt, I was gonna turn around but I turned onto Crossover and kept walking. I walked all the way to the liquor store and I went in.


This is the part that really makes me proud. I walked up to my very good friend joe. And I got a orange crush. And I left. Without the slightest interest in getting a drink. It was just that simple. Until I started walking down Joyce and had to ask myself what the heck I was thinking I had just been drugged for 3 days and now I am walking a freaking marathon. So I took the shortcut down Mission (this time not at 6am and I did not have any heels in my hand or a mini-skirt on…hahahahaha) so I was cool. Made it back to mistys very tired, legs on fire, but very proud of this first step. I just might be okay with this whole not drinking thing after all. At least for today….