To my sweet cousin that is graduating today....

I must say you completely took me by suprise when you reached out to me and I became officially one of your own. In so many ways you continue to teach me what blood family really means and how special that bond can be. I never expected to relate to anyone in my biological family so completely and unconditionally and I have been so blessed and encouraged by you. Who gets to call their cousin one of their very best friends???
I DO!!!

I know what a fight, sacrifice, struggle it has been for you to go to school and that makes me being here to watch you walk so very special to me. To perservere and to keep pushing forward despite raising three boys with hectic schedules and all the needs that kids have, and working crazy full time hours (I mean who the heck gets up before the sun every day to go to work and then go to school and do kid stuff but you...) I am constantly amazed by all that you do and by how well you do it. you never complain. you never say no and you never are selfish and do just for you....I just wish I was that selfless (im the first to admit I am NOT)

To be honest you are the reason that I changed my major. I chose Buisness because it was safe. Watching you and how hard you worked for this made me think,,,,hey, I can do that too...you never gave a cop out or an excuse. you knew the end would justify the means and that you were gonna make a better life for yourself...so here I am. trying to do the same thing. saying thank you is not going to be enough. it's cliche...

My sweet cousin and one of my very best friends I am so very happy to be here. I Know i will cry like a baby. I am your biggest fan. I am so proud of you and encouraged and blessed by you and I hope you enjoy this day..for you have earned it...

The Art of Balance

What I dream of is an art of balance. Henri Matisse

That has been my topic of prayer this week. Balance.

For so long it's been either or. Either I am Wendy, or I am Mommy. It's like I haven't been able to reconcile the two and comfortably say,,,I am Wendy and I am a mommy.
I feel guilty when I do for me, and I feel restless when I only do for them.

There has to be some middle ground? There has to be a way to devote attention to them in a way that shows them they are loved and then find time to devote to myself (see, I feel guilty just saying that out loud...or typing it online for all the world to judge me whichever way you look at it)

I count too don't I???

I am not textbook, never have been. I would like to think that when I have them I am all about being a mom. I really am. We do cross country, cheer, softball, dance, church, school plays and playdates. We are a family of readers so the library is a staple in our house, we do the farmer's market, plant flowers and garden together.We have family dinner nights and sleepovers, fishing and cookouts with the fam.

Is it bad that I sneak in time with my friends now and then. In addition to all of that I get to go out to eat, shop, watch the fights and sometimes shake a tail feather with the coolest bunch of girls I will ever get to call my girls...it's what gets me through not having a "mate", the craziness of my family situation, and the breakdown "i'm not good enough" moments that happen from time to time with me....

Is is bad that I don't feel "bad" that I am not always with my kids? We are incredibly blessed to have such a HUGE extended family. grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, godbaby mama's and daddies and freinds that fill our lives provide me with time that is just for me.

Just in writing this post I feel better already. You have to have balance. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. and you can't live your life based on what you think someone else is going to say about you. So I choose to be both. I am Wendy. and I am a mommy.

The World According to My Kids

The English Language According to Ike
holy moly's (rolly polly)
what the mac and cheese (another version of what in the world)
Nextember (his birthday..which is September 19)
Give me your face (how he says he wants to kiss my cheek)

Kaileigh in a Pic or three

Emory in a song

Real

I won't lie and say I haven't kept up with you...
I have watched you grow up albeit from afar
and i won't even try to pretend seeing you in pictures was enough..

I needed to hug you, I needed to breathe you in
I needed you to hear me and I needed you to understand

I needed the possibility for something greater
and i needed the hope for something real

I dream that one day you would see me
would seek me out, and ask me what I think
I dream that one day you would call me that 6 letter word and that it will come from your heart
as the older .....that I truly want to be

There is something I can't quite put into words surrounding new beginnings, about building and creating a foundation
about fulfilling a long neglected yearning
and occupying someone else's empty void

And I treasure this chance for our own version of "something real"
real relationship, real honesty, real giving and recieving, real healing
real love and real hope, real encouragement and real understanding
real forgiving, real freedom from judgement

real "trying to figure this all out"

I have no illusions about this being easy
I have no illusions that at a time or two we might one or all need a break
but for all my fear and trepidation....
for all the things I don't know that will come
I do know that whatever you end up being to me
and I to the both of you..

that we will be "real"